Breaking the cycle

It was so easy to be angry at the legalistic Christians who have no idea what it means to love others as we are called to. I pretty much quit being angry and bitter when I made a guess at WHY they had been so poor at loving. God had called us to love others as we love ourselves.

It appeared to me perhaps we as Christians struggle to love others because we do not actually know how to love ourselves. For so many of us, or I know for me at least, I would not wish on anyone the kind of love I dish out on myself much of the time. So I see Christians in a different light. We suck so much at loving others because we do not know how to love ourselves as Christ sees and loves us.[Tweet That] So the cycle begins.

Now I have been noticing another point in that cycle. That point answers the question, "Why do we struggle to love ourselves?" "Why do Christians have such a horrible time loving themselves and thus loving and accepting others?" Essentially, why ARE we legalistic?

The answer comes from within the question. We are legalistic because we have been hurt by legalism.

I have a hard time loving and accepting others because I have a hard time loving myself, and I have a hard time loving and accepting myself because I do not feel loved and accepted by Christians, and Christians have a hard time loving and accepting me because they have a hard time loving and accepting themselves, and they have a hard time loving and accepting themselves because I, a Christian, have a hard time loving and accepting them. And the cycle of legalism thickens, and I am more a part of it than I ever realized.

Can the cycle be broken? Yes! How?

By loving and accepting myself AND others! By not withholding love and acceptance! The easiest cycle breaker (and hardest personal choice) is to break the cycle at the point of reality and brokeness. I take away the pretense of perfection...of myself. Then I allow the Christians to realize I have no perfection pretense of myself and I am able to have no perfection pretense of them. This will happen when I become more concerned with being honest and acquiring healing instead of appearing fine, okay, good, or dare I say, perfect. It is in my brokenness that legalism cycles are broken. Because then I am able to love others as I love myself, which is loving acceptance of myself despite my failures and mistakes. So when I love and accept others as I do myself, they can love and accept themselves as they are, and then love me and others as they love themselves.

But right now, we DO love others as we love ourselves...legalistically.

Broken Faith

"Behold the man who would not make God his refuge; but trusted in the abundance of his riches and was strong in his evil desire. But as for me, I am like a green olive tree in the house of God forever and ever. I will give You thanks forever, because You have done it, and I will wait on Your name, for it is good in the presence of Your godly ones." - Psalm 52:7-9

If your trust in God's goodness and faithfulness wanes when times are tough, you have to wonder if your faith was ever in God in the first place. Perhaps it was in the things you have now lost.

Faith in God is not determined by our circumstances. That is faith in our circumstances; not faith in God. {Tweet that} Our circumstances can change in an instant, but God never changes.

Verse 8 begins, "But as for me..."

How would your life complete that sentence?

You're Welcome: Sugar & the Hi Lows

Every once in a while, there are things I just cannot get enough of, and I feel it is my duty to spread the word. There are times those things are websites. Other times they are books, and many times they are music artists. Right now, I cannot get enough of Sugar & the Hi Lows. Their sound is reminicent but so refreshing. If you have never heard them, you're welcome. Other artists on frequent rotation on music player: - Beautiful Eulogy - Alabama Shakes - Propaganda - Churchill

Songs on frequent rotation: - Beautiful Eulogy by Beautiful Eulogy - We Will Run/He is Here - Live by Gungor - Awake My Soul - with Lecrae by Chris Tomlin - Came to My Rescue by Hillsong - Two Day High by Sugar & the Hi Lows (video below) ------- What is on your frequent rotation right now? [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9UmLEifiPI&w=560&h=315]

The Pain of In To Me See

Intimacy is often defined in Christian church-talk as "Into me see". Denial of intimacy with the ones you love the most is hiding what is really inside of you. You are not willing for them to see who you really are inside, and you make all sorts of attempts to hide it all...subconsciously or not. This is not only applicable to my marriage, but to God as well. Though he already knows all that is within me, how much am I willing to reveal to him. THAT determines my desire for actual intimacy.

God, into me see!

Another great nugget is "The deeper the love, the greater the hurt." [click to tweet that] This basically means people you do not know cannot hurt you. How true if you do not know someone, you could care less what they say. But our biggest wounds and hurts are inflicted by the ones we love most.

SOOOOO....

Why does our sin hurt our God so deeply? Because he desires us and is truly in love with us. The intimate God of love is hurt deeply because he really does know us....

Why does the church hurt us so badly? Why do other Christians hurt us so badly? Why am I capable of hurting my wife more than anyone else can?

WHY IS GRACE SO BEAUTIFUL....AND TRULY HEALING?

KNOW

Many times Christians are no different than non-Christians. We try to love an ideal and adhere to principles. We, in so doing, forget that it is possible to actually KNOW God. We are actually able to intimately know God. In fact, that is what truly makes us Christians. Even many non-Christians would admit God exists but never even imagine or believe God is knowable as people are. To non-Christians, God is a principle and ideal that exists and that we can believe, but they have never allowed the possibility of knowing God intimately enter their brain. Am I any different than a non-Christian?

"O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man who TRUSTS in Him." Psalm 34:8

Grace for the whore

I remember visiting my roommate, Dave, at the old people's community he used to work at in college. One of our buddies, Jason, and I wanted to visit Dave at work and see what he did there. He took us around introducing us to several of the residents he had come to know in his time working there. I remember one man pretty well even to this day.

I do not really remember his name, but I do remember Dave leaving Jason and I alone to talk with this man. That was part of the reason we chose to come; to talk with some older people with great stories. It really can be an excellent moment if you allow for it.

Jason and I sat making small talk with this older man. He was gruff. Through course of conversation, his curiosity sparked him to ask if we were Christians. He snapped the question pretty coarsely, which to our affirmative response he quickly and gruffly said, "Well I don't believe that shit!" We asked him why not, and he said he used to be in the service and lost some of his buddies. He said he even tried to turn to religion then and all he ever saw in that damn book was "death death death." That was all the Bible was to him; death and punishment. Why would a loving God go around punishing, killing, and getting pissed at people? He could not fathom that at all.

It made me think tonight about Judah as we read about it in Jerimiah, and even as we read about Israel on many occasions as well.

I wish, today, I had thought to ask the man if he was married before. If so, I would say, "Now we know you absolutely loved your wife. Of course! Now what if you came to find that your wife was sleeping around on you behind your back? You knew she had messed around some before, and you were angry, but you still chose to love her, and forgive her. But suppose she kept doing it, and it kept getting worse. Now you are a man who loves your wife. Are you angry at your wife though? Darn right you would be angry at her. What if after several occasions, you discovered your wife continued to do it and it got worse with more and more involvement with the adulterous lifestyle you come against years before? At what point would YOU break and file for divorce and say you had just had it?"

I imagine I would possibly direct my cynical friend to Jeremiah 3:1. "You have lived as a prostitute with many lovers--would you now return to me?' Declares the Lord." Most of chapter 2 and 3 of Jerimiah reveal a God who is pissed and hurt by a people he loves who have continually gone back to the sins and idols they created. God is a passionate lover who considers all of his people his bride. He is a passionate God whose love has been continually neglected by his bride.

Now as a husband, I can see how passionate my God really is for me. To see his anger and comparing me to a prostitute when I continually neglect his love has really challenged me to understand the anger and divorcing-death that my elderly friend had read so often in 'the damn book'. To see myself as the slut that Jeremiah writes of challenges me to see God as a passionate lover who desires real intimacy apart from my whoring continual sin. He truly is a God of grace, and I do not overlook that; but to see his anger allows me to see his passion for me revealed even more.

How often do I ignore my Gods commands and warnings?

How often should my heart break to read Jerimiah 2:2, "I remember...how as a bride you loved me and followed me through [your] deserts...But then you tore off your bonds, you said, 'I will not serve you!' Indeed, on every high hill and under every spreading tree you lay down as a prostitute."

I am basically, as the Lord terms it, "a donkey in heat' (2:24) just shifting in the wind in his craving." I go to whatever I feel at the moment and nevermind my reckless lover who awaits my constant return.

In the words of Derek Webb:

"I am a whore I do confess. I put you on like a wedding dress, and I walk down the aisle. I am a prodigal with no way home I put you on like a rign of gold and I walk down the aisle."

What college relationships have taught me about God

College relationships can be very ridiculous. One of my favorites is when you see a couple get really close without actually dating. Then one or both of these people involved will drop the dumbest crap I have ever heard, and it happens a lot. "I just need to wait on this relationship for a while. I need to figure some stuff out right now. I need to work on my stuff and get my stuff right before I can get into a relationship right now." Absolutely ridiculous!

I love that someone wants to put off a good relationship because they do not want to bring their crap into a relationship. Newsflash! You are going to bring your crap into a relationship no matter what you do. I do not care if you work your crap out and then get into a relationship. There will always be crap in your life, and it will always follow you into your relationship. You cannot allow your crap to affect or taint your view of your relationship.

I may be married, but Tonya and I both have crap we bring into our relationship. Does that mean our marriage is horrible? Of course not! We have a beautiful marriage that continues to show me more and more of my crap I never knew about, and yet our love grows as I trust her in the revelation and healing process of mine and her crap.

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE MORE AFRAID OF TRUSTING THE OTHER PERSON THAN THEY ARE OF BRINGING CRAP INTO A RELATIONSHIP!

How great an analogy is human relationships to the connection we have with God! How familiar are those situations to the relationship I have with Christ! I am still learning not to approach God like a college relationship. I will too often look at my relationship with God and get frustrated. I often look at my lacking quiet time. I look at how uncompassionate I am to the broken among me, and then I assume my relationship with Christ must be failing because of all this crap.

I cannot keep connecting all these factors to the "success or failure" of my relationship with Christ. I cannot look at my lacking church attendance or missing a week's tithe and saying, "My relationship with God sucks!" My relationship with Christ is still in pursuit, and all those things are not indicators of a failing relationship. I will always have crap. I will always have walls. I will always mess up on my disciplines. I will always have things I am not that great at doing, but I cannot assume that all these things make my relationship with Christ horrible.

It shows that I do not really trust God's grace and love. I bring all my crap, all my inconsistencies, all my past into relationship with God and trust in his grace and his love. Yes I do have crap! Yes I am inconsistent in my discipline. Yes I need to be more compassionate, but my relationship with God is enriched by my need and desire for Him.

Old prayer for brokenness

God, Please let me back among the broken, meek, and humble. I don't know how much longer I can handle being among those who know it all, have it all together, and are unwilling to be broken, uncomfortable and bedraggled. Please let me be back in a place where it is okay to be bedraggled, ruffled, confused, and searching. Back in a place where we believe you reach down in our discomfort and humility and embrace us.

My heart aches for brokenness and the freedom to be such.

* I found this prayer in an old journal. Perhaps you are praying a similar prayer today.

Unclean

Reading in Mark brings me across 1:40-45, his account of the man with leprosy. Just before this passage, Jesus told his disciples they were going to move on to the next city--so Jesus could preach there also. This is where they encounter the leper, which makes perfect sense because that was where lepers belonged. They were banished because they were ceremonially and societally UNCLEAN.

This man comes to Jesus begging to be healed of the leprosy, and Jesus brings him so much more. Yes, Jesus takes away the leprosy because his compassionate healing heart was willing to do so (1:41). But then the last phrase of that verse is the greatest part to me today. Jesus says to the man, "I am willing. BE CLEAN!" This had to be some of the greatest news to this man. This shows Jesus' ability to heal more than the physical ailment.

For, who knows how many years, this man had to go among the streets of the town screaming, "UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!" Though leprosy was not something this man chose out of his own free will, he was still seen as ceremonially and societally unclean. The shame he must have felt as an outcast is more than I can really imagine.

But Jesus did not only heal the disease, but he says to the man, "BE CLEAN!" SO to say, "Now go into the town, and know that you are NOT unclean. You are clean. You are to be known as clean. You are not an outcast! You are ceremonially and societally CLEAN!"

I cannot imagine the freedom this man must have felt to know he was no longer unclean. Yes, he was miraculously healed of leprosy, but this man has now been told that after so many years, he is NOW acceptable, valuable and approachable. He is no longer UNCLEAN.

I also see a lot of people who are ceremonially and societally unclean, and I know that homelessness is not contagious; nor is poverty, drug addiction, prostitution, divorce, jail time, and sin. I know these things are not contagious, but I have seen many of these people made to be ceremonially and societally UNCLEAN! I cannot imagine the freedom God would bring to these people through healing of their ailments and situations. But my heart aches more at the fact that these people are falsely determined and branded UNCLEAN! I believe Jesus would walk among these people, yes, healing their ailments, but not only that. I think Jesus would go beyond that to say, "I am willing. BE CLEAN!!"

Now the question is: Will I be the only reflection of Jesus these people may ever know?

Risk, Trust, and one of my all-time favorite movies

One of my top 5 favorite movies is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. There are elements of realizing the memories we wish we could eliminate, and how important even those memories are. It shows the parts of our hearts we often overlook as either expected or painful and thus necessary to cover up or forget. The movie really is wonderful, full of great quotes and scenes; like the very first spoken line, “Valentines Day is a day created by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.” But the very last scene is my favorite. The scene goes like this:

Joel: I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you. Clementine: But you will Joel: Right now I can’t Clementine: But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I’ll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that’s what happens with me. [Joel shrugs] Joel: Okay [Clementine nods…Joel smiles] Clementine: Okay [Clementine cries, but laughs] Clementine: okay Joel: Okay [They both laugh]

I love this scene and what it has to offer to us. It is a great reminder for those of us who are in relationships. We spend so much of our lives trying to run away from people because we are afraid of not liking something about them. We are afraid of getting bored with something they do. We get afraid that they will run away from us. We’re afraid that something will come up that we don’t like, and “then it will be too late.” I love Joel’s response, “Okay.” It signifies the realization that Clementine will probably find something boring about him. He probably will find something he doesn’t like about her later. But okay! If we thought we could wait until a relationship that would be absolutely perfect, without arguments, annoyances, pain, temptations, we will be waiting forever. By saying, “Okay,” Joel opens himself to trust Clementine. Real trust! A trust that says, “Okay! Fine! You will likely do something I don’t like, but I love you and I trust you. Let’s do this.” As if to say, “That’s a risk we gotta take.” Its not even that it was a risk. It was simply an expectation we have to be willing to take. We have to be willing to understand that things like that will happen. We will find something we don’t like, but are we willing to love them and trust that they love us anyway? Okay.

FLATTERY

“PC Walker is a man with an aptitude for looking head-on at the ways the church has distorted and destructively misapplied the essential message of Christ--he is also someone with a zeal to be a humble, repentant voice for reconciliation with a hurting world.” Stuart ErnyDirector of Campus Ministries, Anderson University

“PC is a gifted speaker with a vulnerable, honest message that comes from a true depth of heart.”

Erin DavisResident Director and Amazing Person

“PC is a man who will keep your attention.  He has an amazing ability to hold the attention of the crowd and cause the crowd to think.  No matter the role he is in, he does it with a willing heart and a passion to serve Christ.”

Jason SquiresMusician and Worship Leader

“PC’s commitment to excellence as a communicator was a great fit for our events. I especially appreciated his quick wit and sense of humor in keeping a moving audience focused on the happenings on stage.”

Andy Allen (on PC as an emcee)Director/Musician

“Sometimes I am with other Christians and get motivated, simply out of guilt.  This motivates me for about 1 day.  With other believers, I hear their honest struggle, but without hope.  In my conversations with PC, I hear raw authenticity, where there are no wrong questions and all are allowed.  I also hear a heart that looks beyond himself to One who loves him where he is at and woos him, without shame, to a better place.”

Todd Davis, M.A.Counselor, Professor, Mentor, Friend

"PC is a dynamic speaker, writer, and pastor. His passion for God and young people are evident in all aspects of his life. He is diligent in studying and challenging himself to live out the message of reconciliation in all of his relationships. He continually challenges me with his soul stirring writings and teachings."

Luis Arellano Security Engineer and Information Consultant

"Countless young adults in today's culture have a misperception of Jesus Christ because they have been mistreated by His very Church. While many Christian leaders continually fail to reach that demographic, PC is creatively and effectively conveying the message of hope to this lost generation -- helping them experience and embrace the love that Christ so generously poured out on the Cross."

Grant CoxCommunications Director and Editor-in-Chief

"PC is a gfted communicator, taking the truth of God's Word and applying it to the current cultural context in a way that is engaging, thought-provoking, and challenging."

Mark Shetler Executive and Missions Pastor

"Creative Communicator who inspires, stimulates and moves people into action expanding the Kingdom of God. Personal and relational as a natural, real person who one can trust."

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