Thank you for Pain

pain The interesting thing about leprosy is the MAIN ailment is the absence of pain.  Because leprosy patients do not feel or know pain, they often do self-destructive things and know nothing of it.  They grab splintered rakes and sharp objects with bare hands and know no pain.  They wear very tight shoes and create blistering and festering sores they only see and not feel.  Leprosy patients are absent of pain, but it is that absence which dissolves the reality of destruction happening to them all the time.  We ought to praise God for pain. We are SO quick to get rid of pain when it is that pain which tells us we need aid.

There are parallels to be drawn to spiritual and emotional pain.  Without it we would be callous and shut off...which is destructive to our emotions, spirits, and souls.  We make it easy by trying to defeat pain.  It's like we don't want to hurt, but what if that hurt is exactly what keeps us from destructing.  If we felt no pain, we would only be a spiritual emotional leper.  The craziest thing is that lepers are afflicted, but I, as an emotional leper, afflict myself.  I resound with lepers of Biblical times and silently scream, "UNCLEAN!"  I am a spiritual and emotional leper.  I shut off my own pain sensors by covering them up and saying, "I'm not hurt...I'm tired of being I won't be anymore...I'm tired of hurting...I'm tired of caring."  So begins a self-destructive disease.

I get so terrified of pain that I shut myself off from it, but without it...without being honest about my pain, hurt, real emotion, I just destruct.  I am self-afflicted, but can only be healed through the grace of GOd.

In recovery!  Experiencing pain with gratitude because at least I feel.

The Hurting Hurtful

God my God, When I look at those who have hurt me or have hurt someone close to me, teach me to see where that person has been hurt.  Speak to my heart that I may see the hurtful person in light of a hurting person who now has no idea that they are in need of the forgiveness and compassion I would demand in my own hurt.

Where has that person been hurt? What has hurt them so badly that they would do these things; that they would say things about me or someone close to me? What has hurt them so badly that they would live like this? Break my heart for the hurting people in my life, even if those people have hurt me or someone close to me.

Please teach me this compassion and forgiveness, that I might speak with Jesus the prayer, 'Abba, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing.'

- St. PC of the Hurtful