Belated Gratitude

* journal entry on Thanksgiving Eve The morning before Thanksgiving, and I am not as grateful as I really should be. I really honor and respect those who remind themselves to make lists of things they are thankful for throughout the year and not just during one week of November each year (if that). I am not so inclined, and I really need to be.

I am thankful to have a job at all these days. Though it is a ministry job at a respectful church who is completely debt free and has all finances in the black via budge and salary cut backs, at least they have never had to cut jobs all together. I am grateful and thankful.

I have a healthy daughter and a healthy one on the way. With so many friends close to me having experienced miscarriages and even more painful loss, it hardly seems right to complain that we were not exactly "ready" for this second child-to-be. I am thankful and grateful.

I am thankful for my wife and our marriage continuing and fighting against any societal norm. Nearly every day in ministry there is reference to another church marriage coming to an end or on the rocks near an end. Conversations reveal one or both are simply unwilling to humble themselves and grow up to be adults willing to do the hard work of maintaining a loving marriage. My wife has stood by me when I have been numbed out of emotion and affection. She has not given up or walked away. We both love one another by learning to love more and better and more humbly. I am thankful for her and our marriage.

I am thankful for God's grace and mercy on me. Though my heart and soul are distant more often than not, I am always brought back to his grace and love. Though my natural heart resists the pure and holy spirit of God and pursues the lies a true enemy would want my heart to be convinced of, my cries to God have been heard. He remains close and near. I cannot help but be thankful for these things.

There is far more to be thankful for in my life, and my heart would do well to actively remember those things far more often than I do.

Quick letter to my male students

It takes courage to stand out as a man in a culture of guys. But why would you want to do that? How would you do that? How to move from simply finishing to actually winning. Reality check: Women have given up on 'guys'. That should bother you deeply. They are searching for men to be men, but have absolutely no interest in guys who want to stay guys.

DISCIPLINE: Men understand that risk is essential for victory. On the battle front you're thankful for hellish bootcamp. Women are looking for men who are prepared to BE men (goodnews: men will stick out in a guy culture).

SERVICE: Guys live for themselves. Our culture of 'guys' fights against the entire purpose for creation. Guys are selfish and have no purpose to shoot for in life. At some point, you have to ask yourself if YOU would ever want to date someone who is all about themselves (why would you become someone YOU don't even desire?)

Men live for others. Your purpose is much deeper when living for others. Men WANT to make an impact, and impact only happens outside of self. A man is not focused on what HE gets out of a relationship but on what THE RELATIONSHIP gets out of him. 

Being 'one of the guys' is not being a man. If iron sharpens iron, a guy does not sharpen a man. (Prov.27:17)

You are not intended to do this alone; so quit trying to. (Hebrews 10:24-25). Failure is less likely when other men sharpen you.

* Quick letter to my female students

Quick letter to my female students

Have you been frustrated with the no good men pursuing you? Here is a thought for you today. [good] Men do not fight for anything of no value. Are you worth fighting for?

Now of course, I assure you that you ARE worth fighting for. The question is not as if you were not possibly worthy, but whether or not you act like you are worthy. Do you act like you are valuable enough to be fought for and pursued? Further, do you believe you are valuable?

If you give yourself out to whatever and whomever, you are not believing you are worthy or valuable enough to be really fought for and pursued. You give yourself to lesser boys and 'guys' who will never fight and are looking for easy pleasure. You will not be saved and taken care of if you are not valuable. You will only be used and thrown away.

But that is the game of boys and guys!

Men will fight for and pursue value and worth. You ARE valuable and worthy, BUT act like it and believe it.

* Quick letter to my male students

the Story of Disconnected Impact

I did not know what I was going to do when the strongest influence on my faith and growth decided he wanted to sever the tie we had to one another. For years, my life had been heavily impacted by this man and his family, but now he had made the decision to disconnect the familial tie that bound us together. When things of this sort happen in our life, we can allow the hurt of the break to make us ask and say some strange things.

"Was it ever really real?" "All those years are and were a waste."

It is important to remember in those moments that a break cannot take away an impact made.

No disappointment or failure on an important person's part can change the impact made.

It is important to honor the impact. You still have to remember, reflect on, and respect the impact made even if you can no longer honor or respect the person who made the impact.

Temptation ain't that bad

There is no shame in temptation.  That is, there should not be any shame in temptation.  We too often allow shame to strike us when we are tempted.  When we find ourselves being tempted, we will often tear ourselves down for having been tempted.  Something within us believes we should not be tempted.  I am not sure why I believe that though.  I am not sure why I forgot that even Jesus was tempted.  There is no shame in being tempted. We need to quit understanding temptation as sin.  We would do our spirit a favor by RE-understanding temptation as a choice; as an opportunity for choice.  Ultimately, temptation presents us with a choice that needs to be made each time.  We have wrongly convinced ourselves that temptation is an opportunity to sin, but we don't realize that it is just as much an opportunity for righteousness.  Temptation is a reality of life daily and even moment by moment.  Temptation always comes with a choice.  We have to begin understanding temptation as an opportunity for a choice, and temptation is an equal-opportunity choice; you may choose sin...but you may also choose righteousness.

Iconoclast

ICONOCLAST \i-ka-ne-klast\ n : one who attacks settled beliefs and institution

Novocaine

When you have dental work done on one tooth, you will usually want the novocaine.  The dentist gives you the shot to numb the area around the tooth.  But its never the one tooth, is it?  That tooth and the area surrounding it is often numbed with the one pinpointed shot.  That is the way novocaine works.  You try to dull the pain of one tooth, and in so doing, dull the feeling of the entire surrounding area. How interesting that pain is pain and numb is numb! When something happens to cause us emotional pain, we do what we can to get rid of the pain.  We don't want to hurt; to feel pain.  So we numb it out with whatever we can.  For some, its with drugs and alcohol; for others its with relationships or sex.  For me its often with denial or indifference; I can escape the pain by simply not feeling it or ignoring it.  I numb the feeling of the pain that situation brings.

But like novocaine, its never just the pain that gets numbed.  A lot of times, its not just "pain" in general that gets numbed.  Like novocaine, I pinpoint my pain, numb it, and find out that it inadvertently numbs the surrounding areas as well.  I find in my attempt to numb the PAIN of a situation, I can end up numbing other emotions.  I become incapable of FEELING much of anything. 

When you numb one thing in your life so you don't have to feel, that emotional novocaine is going to affect more than the problem.  Numb is numb! Even though I purposefully numb the pain, I also end up numbing, simply, the ability to FEEL.  Numb is numb!  Now you cannot feel joy, affection, love, anger, sadness, and other emotions in the surrounding area.

We have to feel!!!!  Even the pain!!  Pain motivates us to change something, and if we only numb the pain, we do not change; and we numb other emotions in the process.

Deeper things of wounds

We are all wounded people, and all those wounds left alone to infect will hinder our ability to know God more intimately.  They hinder our ability to relate well.  For this reason it is with each wound healed that the voice of God grows that much clearer.  That is my ultimate goal; for the voice of God to grow clearer and clearer to me each day.  I hear God's voice in my soul clearer than I did a year ago, a month ago, yesterday because I have gone into myself with God's guidance and "Unchangeable Light". That has not been easy, and is often met with some fear and some hurt, but the Unchangeable Light goes with me into the darkened and FORGOTTEN recesses of my inner self to shed some of that light upon the wounds which have affected my ability to hear the voice of God more clearly and thus to relate to Him.

But as light is shed on a wound, I am faced with a choice.  Will I continue to anesthetize it, numbing it, forgetting about it and thus hindering my ability to know God a bit more clearly?

OR...

Will I FEEL the pain so I can realize what is wrong and then go about the fearful and sometimes painful process of mending so that I may hear the voice of God a bit more clearly and know him more intimately?

You HAD logs?

Check this out!  Next time you read Matthew 7:1-6 about "Judging Others" look at this.  Verse 5 has been grabbing my attention the last couple days. We always read about the plank and the speck as telling us not to judge people.  This is true, but I am not too sure we have read verse 5 for all it's worth.

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

This says something very influential to me.  This is saying more than just "Don't judge people!  Cuz you ain't perfect!"  But that is what we have always read this to mean.

There is more!  The whole thing is Jesus' challenge to work on your own 'ish SO THAT you may be able to see your brother's speck, his 'ish, more clearly.

This is not telling us to leave our brother's alone because "Hey, you ain't perfect."  The direct challenge is to remove your own plank so you may see clearly to remove your brother's speck.

This means I have to realize what my plank is.  My plank could be a sin I am struggling with, but it may also be an issue I have; a wound, a hurt, an issue to be healed or repaired.  Once I do the work of finding healing or repair for the ish in my life, I become able to see more clearly the people around me.  I become capable of compassion because now I can see them more clearly.  I can actually help remove their speck; walk along in their wounds, and hurt, and 'ish.  But I can only do that if I have removed the plank that hinders my ability to truly see.

Christians commonly do whatever they can to "help" others because if I'm helping someone else with their 'ish I don't have to pay any attention to my own.

We call this 'compassion' or 'benevolence' or various other Christian terms, but if I am not or have not done the work to pursue healing and repair for my own 'ish, its really just what we call ENABLING......or even......wait for it..... CO-DEPENDANT.

Starbucks in the year 2111

Sitting here in Starbucks, I have a wonder in my mind.  I wonder how much art has been created here at this Starbucks.  How many books!  How many poems!  How many songs! How many sketches turned paintings!  How many screen plays!  How many dreams and brainstorms! I find myself wondering how many of those things have been created here, and then I wonder how many Starbucks there are in the country; in the world.  How many coffee shops are there out there?  These little easy bake ovens for art everywhere!

What are these places and what about them lends the heart to create?

Then I wonder what these places will look like years from now.  It is so cultural now, and yet I am thinking many years from now.  I am thinking about vacations I have been on to areas with old ghost towns, museums, and reenactments.  It makes me wonder if 100 years from now there will be families walking through THIS Starbucks layered in dust and time.  Will the tour guide be wearing a tattered green apron and pointing out different things the kids could not care less about?

"Over here we have an espresso machine from about the year 2004.  The barista would stand back here and ask if there was anything he could get started for the next person in line."

"Over there is where they would sell Starbucks brand cups, pointless gear, and overpriced coffee makers for the wealthier customers."

Will the tour guide tell about the culture surrounding coffee that just blew up in American society?  I wonder if she will merely be explaining what Starbucks "used to look like" because the company will have continued to dominate the economy and look entirely different then.

I wonder if you can go to old towns where there would be poorly done reenactments by costumed high schoolers who have no idea what our culture really looked like.

Will there be "old style Starbucks" still open to run "like they used to" for the sake of nostalgia and tourism?

I wonder!

Never trust a Christian who...

A quote I read a few days ago by Alan Chambers says, "Never trust a pastor who does not walk with a limp."  The quote was fantastic.  His point was that pastors should be the first to share their vulnerabilities and transparency.  I agree with that statement, but I would further the challenge to say, "Never trust a CHRISTIAN who does not walk with a limp." As we desire to reach out to the world and culture around us, we may do this when people truly know us.  Nobody wants to have a relationship with someone who seems perfect.  Look at the more "successful" ministries and churches in our country.  They are commonly those who foster an environment of openness, honesty, vulnerability and struggle.

Though I agree this has to be modeled from the top down, the challenge still remains for the other members of our communities.  As we desire to go out and reach the world and culture around us, there has to be a certain honesty and vulnerability.  That openness is what draws people into a relationship.

Never trust a CHRISTIAN who walks without a limp.