Adjusted Blindness

blind John of the Cross calls it "The Dark Night of the Soul". But we all know how it feels. If not, you will experience that time eventually.

I think about it this way. If you have some experience where the lights are turned out for a considerable amount of time, your eyes adjust to the darkness, but you know the light that was present just before they were turned out. You enjoyed the light greatly, but now you came into the darkness and your eyes have adjusted to the darkness. Now, the feeling I have been talking about...what John calls "Darkness of the Soul" comes when the lights are turned back on. Glorious light! Finally you have gone from light to darkness, and now back to incredible light. This whole time you have been in the dark room longing for light.

You knew ABOUT light. You recalled everything ABOUT light that you knew before. But, o happy day, you get to actually EXPERIENCE the light after so long spent thinking ABOUT light. Glorious....right?

Not necessarily! As soon as you experience light after being in that dark room, you are temporarily blinded because you go immediately from dark to light, and your eyes cannot take the sudden change. You must now learn to adjust. For so long you knew ABOUT light. You even proved very confident in your knowledge about how light operates, but now in full EXPERIENCE of light, you are thrown into a temporary blindness. You cannot take all of it, and now you must adjust. It still seems dark for a second, but you have EXPERIENCED the light you had only known ABOUT before.

We are believers who know a lot about God. We have become excellent at how much we have learned about our phenomenal God. We see great things, and we know God has shown these things to us. But now, we are beginning to actually see God. We are at the piont of entering into truly experiencing the God we have learned so much about. We are entering intimacy with the heart of a relational God.

When Moses got closer enough to God, he "hid his face", and he was terrified. The closer to God he got (and he got closer to God than we will ever know), the more darkness he experienced. Darkness came in ways of fear, anxiety and confusion. Now that sounds very familiar to our darkness of soul, and Moses knew much of God, and yet still faced himself in darkness when he experienced God.

After all we have seen, we all the sudden become blind. But it is because we are in the midst of a great transition into experiencing the God we have always known ABOUT. This God we know so much about now becomes "absent"...or at least appears absent behind our exposure to a light our faith cannot handle. God is not actually absent, but we have become temporarily blinded by the purity and glory of God coming into a closer relationship with us.

The question is:

WILL WE ADJUST OR GIVE UP AND CLAIM HE'S ABSENT?

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Break down the warrior

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money I need constant reminders of God's upside-down kingdom. Even I, a selfish man, oddly enjoy being reminded of God's kingdom, which strengthens the stumbler and breaks down the warrior. There is still a weaker side of me, which is relieved to know a God who lifts the poor and needy from the ash heap and hurls them into TBN-like chairs of gold like princes. Being reminded of that kind of kingdom with God's kind of justice makes me want to be needy. Because God sends poverty and wealth . He humbles and exalts. But he exalts the poor and humbles and breaks the wealthy and self-righteous.

God's kingdom lifts up the poor and breaks down the wealthy and self-righteous. I can only pray that God may break me down where needed, that I may be poor and lifted up some day.

1 Samuel 2:4-5, 7, 9

"The bows of the warriors are broken, but those who stumbled are armed with strength. Those who were full hire themselves out for food, but those who were hungry hunger no more. The Lord sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.

It is not by strength that one prevails.

DEEP: a word for the year

deep Last year, I chose a word to focus on instead of setting a list of goals or resolutions I would not have followed through on. Last year, that word was "restoration". This year, that word is "DEEP".

I learned a valuable lesson when I spoke at a small Christian college in the United States (You can thank me later for narrowing it down for you.) This lesson may well apply to most Christian colleges, universities or churches you visit. I learned never to stand before a crowd containing students, faculty, and administrators of a Christian college or university and state that you are about to “go really deep”. If you ever find yourself before a crowd matching this description, and these words are on the tip of your tongue, bite really hard. I do not mean to use an ambiguous cliché, I mean to quite literally bite your tongue. Perhaps biting it will keep the words ‘go really deep’ from exiting your tongue through the small opening that is your mouth and setting you up for a situation very reminiscent of…oooh??…the Titanic! Slow sinking at first followed by a plunge toward the end! I would say that is a pretty accurate depiction of how it felt. As I was introduced, I made my way up on stage, took the mic in hand and said "Once I get started, I am going to take us real deep real quickly. Is that okay with everyone?” This was the puncture, which started the leak in the ship that day. I talked about the masks we wear in Christian culture and how they often cover up our wounds, which can only heal with exposure.Conversations about our wounds and healing appear deep to me, but I was clearly mistaken. I later realized the problem was not fully in our definitions of ‘deep’ but in my lacking clarification. I should have clarified, “deep in what?’

Two hours had not gone by before I received comments in passing. “I thought you were going to go deep!” “You were not very easy to follow.” “You may need to work on your points a bit more…but good job though.” I received a few emails as well with their fair share of, what should I call it? Feedback? “PC, you and I both know your theology is very weak.” “How can you call yourself an expert or theologian?” (This one is particularly comical, because I would never dream of calling myself either.) “You said at the very beginning of your talk that you were going to ‘go deep’ and you never did that once.” “I checked out the college you went to and…blah, blah, blah…something bad about my Alma Matter…blah, blah.” Notice how the disconnected emails were a bit more abrasive.

PLEASE allow me to make a few things clear right away. It is fully my intention this year to expose things I have seen and done. These things may be offensive and cutting. You may expect my thoughts and writing to be irreverent and theologically shallow. I give my personal guarantee the words you read will be ‘deep’, but deep to an honest place in my heart and not into the recesses of exegesis and five detailed points.

It is promising you will read things that will make theologians sick and scholars angry. It is likely that Armenians and Calvinists alike will be gravely frustrated. I am an equal opportunity annoyance. This will be a collage of stories and reflections that have impacted my life and faith, and of these two things I consider myself an expert. I am not a professional scholar or renowned theologian, but I am an educated and trained expert on the topic of my life and faith. It is my hope you will enjoy what you read. I hope I am entertaining, witty and dessert to your brain. But most importantly I hope my exposed life and faith stirs something within you that has been left unattended or forgotten. I hope my reflections are refreshing even if at times refreshment comes cathartically. So are we clear? For the sake of my inbox, I hope so.

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What do you want me to do

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In Matthew 20, Jesus asks some blind men, "What do you want me to do for you?" Why would Jesus ask them this? I mean one, we know that Jesus is all-knowing. He knows what they need. But two, come on, anybody walking by would know what these men need. They're freaking blind! It is obvious that these men want and need their sight. EVEN I CAN SEE THAT! (see what I did there) Of course a study and reflection of the passage lets us see Jesus want to be asked. He wants to be desired. We can study forever the reasons Jesus would actually ask what these men want him to do. Jesus did that all the time.

The challenge is trying to see myself in this passage. As a disciple, what would I have done? Would I have seen the need? Yes it is blatant and obvious, but would I have really seen the need? I mean really?

I am a Christian who desires to serve, to have compassion and serve, but will I notice the needs around me? I mean they are blatant...just as blatant as two blind men, but I don't serve the needs around me. I don't even serve the blatant needs. Should I be asking, "What is it you want me to do for you?" I don't know. I mean there are blatant obvious needs around me, but OBVIOUSLY I don't see them.

Is it that I do not really see them? I do not have my eyes and ears open to actually see those needs around me. I have to be attentive to the needs around me. They are not always so blatant as a blind man asking for sight (lucky Jesus). Sometimes it is nearly a need for respect and compassion...someone to listen...heck...someone to smile. Am I really so clueless to miss an opportunity to smile for someone who may really need it? Probably!

Now if I miss THAT, how many other chances will I miss? I need to be more attentive. After being attentive I have to be willing to be interrupted. What is the point in being attentive to people's needs around me if I'm not willing to STOP!

I have to open my eyes, my ears, my heart to see and notice the obvious needs around me, and then free myself to be interrupted and STOPPED for those needs around me.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&w=560&h=315]

Let me love you

There are days when it seems God just wants to love me. There are days when I sit with open Bible and heart, and I wait....and wait... There are days when God does not speak to me in His Word, even when I come faithfully to it. There are days when I will sit and stare at the pages, reading a text without affirmation of any message or lesson. There are days when I will sit silently awaiting God and all I will receive is a challenge to my heart to close my Bible and let God love me.

There are days when I am ready and prepared to discover God in his Word and I am challenged to sit and let God love me. Searching the word of God will not prove necessary every single day. There are days when my heart truly needs to be still and rest in God's love; to sit and pray, "Abba, I belong to you. Please love on me today."

Some days bring my heart to a place where God has a different challenge than I realize coming into it. I cannot depend on the word speaking to me every single day I come to it. If someone desired to know me, they can only ready my journals so many times before they would need to step away from them a little while and let me love them, get to know them, talk with me, get a cup of coffee with me and let me relate to them. There are days when I need to step away from the word and sit with God and allow him to love me...to accept his love.

There are days when my mind has soaked up all the love God is pouring on to me, leaving my heart and soul a little dry. There are days when my heart aches to know the love of God and engaging my mind just will not cut it that day.

Some days God desires to lavish his love upon me. If I would only but receive it. It is on those days I have to really test my faith and abide in Abba's love. Because studying is easy when the words are there to understand and dissect, but my heart and soul operate on another faith which simply allows itself to be loved. There are those days when God desires to pour his love out on my heart, and I need to willingly receive that tender love. Today is just one of those days.

Assault and the Gospel

abuse I read a quote once, which read, "The Church is like a battered woman. The more bruises she has, the more make-up she puts on."

This is very common with those who are abused. In an attempt to protect the abuser, but more detrimentally, in an attempt to hide their obvious need for help, battered women will put on a lot of make-up in order to cover the scars and bruises.

Eventually these battered women start to look fake with all of this make-up. As these women hide things more and more, nobody realizes anything is wrong. Nobody cares about her. Why doesn't anyone care about this woman who is abused and battered? Because nobody realizes she is abused. Nobody can see a need for love, for care, for protection. She becomes fragile but artificial. Nobody takes the time to care for her. She covers her pain, but more importantly, she covers her need.

The church and God's people have become battered women who cover up their hurt, pain and reality with spiritual cosmetics. We all have wounds and pain, but we cover them up and keep anyone and everyone from seeing the reality of ourselves. In so doing, we have come to appear frighteningly fake and artificial. We become people who nobody wants to approach, because we aren't real. We are artificial, have-it-all-together, battered men and women whom deflect people who could be there to come alongside and help us heal the wounds we are inflicted with.

We have neutered the Gospel when we mask ourselves with spiritual cosmetics. We become a sect of people who deny our pain and wounds, and in so doing become people nobody wants to relate to. Humans know pain and relate to those who can come alongside each other in pain to heal. But we cover up our pain and our wounds, we appear naive. Humans do not desire to relate to anyone who is naive to pain.

The Gospel is one of a God who hurts when we hurt, and weeps over our wounds. We verbally believe a Gospel, which claims a belief in a God who created a people who would operate as a body. When a part of the body is wounded, it (the body) begins to heal. That is the body we were created to be...the body the Gospel rings of, but we neuter the Gospel when we cover our wounds. We don't' expose our wounds for the body to heal. We cover it up with make-up and keep anyone from seeing that the pain is real. When we hide ourselves and our wounds, we hide a Gospel we SAY we believe in. We hide a God we SAY we believe in. We also hide the Gospel and God not only from ourselves, but also from the needy around us.

WHY: On Repentance and Forgiveness

But why Acts 2:38: "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins." Why Acts 17:30: "IN the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent." So why repent if God has already forgiven our transgressions, forgotten our sins and thrown them as far as the east is from the west? The answer lies in 2 Corinthians chapter 7. Verses 9-11 read, "yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and LEAVES NO REGRET...see what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, WHAT LONGING, WHAT CONCERN...AT EVERY POINT YOU HAVE PROVED YOURSELVES TO BE INNOCENT IN THIS MATTER."

This passage presents to us how important our repentance...our "Godly sorrow" is. It shows us that repentance "leaves no regret." It proves and assures that our being forgiven was not in void. Our repentance proves that we are not just taking advantage of and milking the grace we are given. It shows our "longing, our concern." Our repentance shows that the relationship is important enough for us to eagerly pursue even through our sorrowful repentance. Only then are we able to be proved innocent "at every point."

FORGIVENESS FORGETS FAULT

BUT

REPENTANCE REPAIRS RELATIONSHIP