who I am

A little god's prayer

meek O my God, help my heart forget myself so I can find rest from the weight of being my own little god. I am not as strong or important as I think or believe I am much of the time. I spend so much of my time, energy, and life trying to prove myself.

I have what A.W. Tozer calls 'the burden of pretense'. I want everyone to see my best while I hide my poverty at all costs. It is exhausting. I am a sinful man like every other, yes, but the exhausting part of it all is actually in the effort it takes to look other than and more than I actually am.

I do not have to expend much effort to be sinful or to admit with all of humanity that I am a sinful man. It is exhausting to uphold what I am not. It is exhausting to uphold my little god status. It is heart-breaking when people, as they inevitably must, attack the idol of self I have crafted. It is no wonder we find little peace when so much of our life and reality is spend in tireless and fruitless effort to be and appear more than we really are.

God, rescue me from this tireless effort. I am weary and heavy-laden with this burden. Lay upon me your yoke of meekness and peace. I am not as strong as I think I am or appear to be.

Identity Control and other thoughts on who I am

The truth is that when I am in control of my own life, I end up being very destructive to myself and others. This is why it is very important for my life to be directed and controlled by God. But the problem is that I give control over to other things and people when I allow other things and people to determine WHO I AM! I realize in my head that these things cannot make me who I am intended to be, but I still find myself living differently. These things may change who I am on the outside, but they have nothing to do with who I really am. What I do comes out of who I am. How much do I realize God's love for me? God loves me and cares about me. He has a plan and purpose for my life; all the other things I use to determine who I am are false. All the other things I have attached "my self" to are "idols". I have attached my identity, "who I am", to other things than God and have, in so doing, created idols.

My true identity, who I really am, is God's beloved. I have to claim my identity solely with that realization. IF I were able to do that perfectly, I would have given God complete control of my life...