[never]Forsaken in the Drudgery

There is a promise God makes in Hebrews. He says, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." (13:5) I have read that promise a bit differently today.

Most of the time, I have found that promise speak very clearly to me in times of trouble and struggle. There have been moments when loneliness comes in the form of a difficult situation I have faced, wondering if I really am alone in this. In those moments, I have been encouraged to know God has not abandoned me.

But today, this promise speaks to an entirely different loneliness I have found from time to time--the travail of day to day living.

There is a loneliness that settles in for us in the days that blend together in a boring gray. The routine becomes monotony, and the days are all the same. In those times my heart can be bogged and sandbagged. These are not days of difficulty, because even difficult times engage the heart and mind. These are not days of beautiful and spectacular memories. These are just days like one Counting Crows lyric:

"Today was just a day fading into another
And that can't be what a life is for." (Amy Hit The Atmosphere)

These times become very lonely spots, and then comes this promise of God to break down the loneliness of our own drudgery:

"I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

Even in your normal every day, I am here. I am present. I still come after you and pursue you. I have never left you. I have never and will never abandon you.

There is a strength that comes to the heart in the moments you can praise, sing, and remember this fact. No matter how monotonous and gray my day to day seems, God is still near to me.

Sea Glass Conversations [a poem]

Along the crook of where ocean meets land
I find myself walking over sea glass;
treasured gems in reverse,
not found in nature and refined by man
   but having been discarded by man
   has been refined by nature

I pick up a piece and ask it a number of questions.

What onslaughts have you withstood
to become so smooth and beautiful?

How many times did you wonder
if all the ocean's tumbling was worth
this beauty you could not have seen
   along the way?

Where did you gather strength
to endure years pitched about
   after being pitched out?

What does the voice of God sound like...

when it bores through self-hatred
and burnishes your broken edges?

How did you stay strong without fracture?
How did you patiently await the vision
   of what you would become?

I slip the gem into my pocket
and I can hear it look me in the heart to say,
"I have al the same questions for you?"

Growth in destruction

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, it’s insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it looks like complete destruction.” - Cynthia Occelli

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I read this quote this morning and it has shaken the dust from something in me. There is an awareness to have in the moments when everything breaks down or falls apart, an awareness and recognition of the potential for beauty and growth that now begins in those otherwise desperate moments.

When I Preach

When I preach or speak, I hope for the inner-dialogue from those who listen to resonate with the words of Henri Nouwen in his book Creative Ministry.

"What you say loudly, I whispered in the dark; what you pronounce so clearly, I had some suspicion about; what you put in the foreground, I felt in the back of my mind; what you hold so firmly in your hand always slipped away through my fingers. Yes, I find myself in your words because you words come from the depth of human experiences, and therefore, are not just yours but also mine, and your insights do not just belong to you, but are mine as well." (35)

This will only happen if I am willing to be known as pastor and preacher, and only if I am willing to be fully available in relationship and connection. The pastor is still a fellow man, and the moment a pastor forgets that reality, they are not a pastor. They are a performer.

Power in the Presence

Today, I have had eternal life and power on my mind and heart. Even this morning on my walk, I had the prayer on my lips: "God has not give me eternal life; He has given me himself, and HE IS LIFE!" That is to say the Holy Spirit does not give power, the Holy Spirit is the power within me. 

Romans 6:9-11 says, "Death hath no more dominion over Him...in that He liveth, He liveth unto God. Likewise, reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God."

When I finally lay down my own life to be dead to who I once was, the gift I receive is not a new life. The gift I receive is the very presence of God in the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is life and power that now resides within me. Any power or life I receive cannot be separated from God's presence or utilized apart from Him because the life and power IS Him. 

When Jesus says in John 15, "Remain in me as I remain in you" I am reminded that the eternal life I have is in this in-dwelling of Christ. That is to say life is in the very presence of God. Power is in the presence of His Spirit, and that presence is at the center of who I am.

When I live in connection and entanglement with that presence, there is power and life in my days. When I am disconnected and distracted, I live my days with less power and life than is actually available to me.