Whom have I

Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the LORD God my refuge, That I may tell of all Your work.                                                 - Psalm 73:25-28

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"Whom have I in heaven but You?" If I got to heaven and received all the promises of heaven, but God was not there, would I still want to go? If Jesus were not there, do I still even want it? I want to live a life now where I desire nothing but Jesus. I want god to be my only desire; not his blessings, not peace, not joy, but God alone. I want my heart to live a life by which God IS MY FULL PORTION forever; where my heart and mind fully realize that my greatest good in life is nearness to God.

I desire for God to be my greatest desire; not only His blessings, joy, peace, or provision. All those things are OF GOD, and that means peace, joy, provision, and refuge will only be found in Him.

This means that God is strength and refuge. He will only be MY refuge when i am found near and in Him.

Without a pail

The woman at the well in John 4 tells Jesus, "Sir, you have nothing to draw [water] with, and the well is deep."

While we realize she does not understand the water Jesus is referring to, there is a strong reflection for me to find myself in reading this story.

She does not know the power and ability Jesus has. She does not look at the circumstance at hand and think anyone could even possibly make this request happen. Jesus makes a request of her, and she is simply showing him the request is literally impossible. She does not yet understand or trust that what Jesus asks of her is actually possible or He would not have asked her to do it. She does not trust that what Jesus asks of her is possible, because of Jesus, to actually be done.

I sit here looking over my life at this time and of the things Jesus has called me to do and pursue in life. I look at my circumstances in life and will almost always wonder how in the world he could expect me to draw from such a deep well without a pail. Life is not exactly conducive to what you are saying, Jesus. Those things are literally impossible.

It is easy enough to think, "I only doubt myself, but not Jesus." But if I am honest, I do not doubt myself. I know what I am capable and incapable of. Suddenly I am stricken with the reality that I do not trust Jesus.

The only remaining rebellion

There was a time in the not so distant past when disbelief was the great adventurous rebellion. It was a time when everyone said they were Christians and believed in God because any decent person would, which meant the real zealous ones were those who would actually deny God and the ability to experience such a God. There as a time that we are seeing the peak of now when there was a sense of being nearly heroic to refuse participation in 'organized religion' or 'the institution of the Church' or in being faithful in any form.

I keep saying 'there was a time' because this is no longer the case. It no longer takes courage to disbelieve or deny or refuse a life of faith or participation in a faith community. Is this good news? I think so.

The only rebellion left is to live a life pursuing holiness. The only remaining adventurous way of life is one of Christian community. A life of rebellion and adventure requires risk. Any adventurous activity ceases to be so when you remove any sense of risk.

If you choose a life of faith today and going on into the future we imagine ahead of us, you will likely be subjected to attacks upon your choices, your virtues, your beliefs, and your identity. An increasingly atheistic culture will make the life of faith a great adventure and challenge. The life of faith becomes more rebellious by the day.

Stanley Hauerwas writes, "This isn't the end. Its the beginning of God's experiment with your life. What God will make of you, we know not."

It is no wonder Jesus taught that we ought to count the cost before following after him. It will be a life of adventure, risk, rebellion, and difficulty if you are actually up for it.

Stop this handbasket I want to get off

A local pastor friend of mine exhorted his congregation to “Turn off FOX News; its making you paranoid.” While it may be great counsel, it is important to recognize FOX News is only one of numerous voices making us paranoid as it relates to Christians living in our current culture and society.

In the Church today looking forward, far too many of us have come to believe and accept our ticket to ride a certain hand basket on its way to a certain destination. Yes! The times are changing at the pace of the Internet, and our culture and society are increasingly opposed to the values and lifestyle of the follower of Jesus, but I see great hope for what will develop, by necessity, because of these realities. There are many reasons to exchange your ticket for a more hopeful future.

1. This is nothing new God’s people have always had to live among a dominant culture that does not affirm their values, lifestyle, or their claim to One Truth. This is nothing new. It may feel new to us who have been believers through a more comfortable time, but we cannot disregard the reality John reminds us of; “this world and its desires are passing away” (1 John 2:17). We will not and cannot turn the world around, and we cannot pretend that this opposition is anything new. We stand on a the shoulders of history in this reality.

2. The Value of the Local Church Do not entirely believe the statistics that portray a declining church in America. Understand that correct statistics misinterpreted are false statistics. The Church is still and will continue to be quite large. The question will be whether its impact will be strong in the coming generations. Its impact will be stymied if all of its talent, time, energy, and resources continue to be used outside its walls instead of through it. The next generation needs a reason and a reminder to fall in love with the local church. We cannot continue to separate from “religious institutions” and wonder why they are not lasting.

3. Higher Call To Discomfort As circumstances grow less comfortable for the believer, it becomes more impossible for the Christian to simply float in and out and up and down on the waves of the culture. The tide is changing so rapidly, the future generation will be stronger believers because they will have to be. The Christian will be increasingly marginalized in our culture, but that means the true believers will be exactly that; TRUE valiant believers. The days of lukewarm comfortable Jesus following are swiftly drawing to a close. That is good news!

4. Vision Is Unheard; not Unspoken Young Christians want to be part of the visioning to bring about new life and new energy to the Church. The future is coming at us faster than ever before, and keeping up will require the Christian to be as fast. There are young Christians prepared to do this with a commitment to truth. They are listening to the same things in the media, which says our future is doomed. When we believe this perception, we devalue the voice of young Christians who are prepared to stand valiantly in this culture.

5. Discipleship Is Key When you look at the Chinese Church, you will not actually see anything. The Chinese Church is growing by droves in a country where Christianity is criminal. By necessity this underground Church is incredibly committed and unwavering. As American Christians are increasingly marginalized, one-on-one discipleship is going to be more and more vital in the spread of Christianity here.

6. The God-card Ultimately, we must always trust in a sovereign God over and above whatever happens in our culture. I would close with the hope we all ought to have forever. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him—but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.” (1 Cor. 2:9-10)

The opposite of love is not hate; it is fear, and love drives out fear. We are not given the spirit of fear. As we look to the future, we have no reason to fear if we have truly had an experience of the loving God who will remains sovereign, regardless of the paranoia you hear on television.

Liturgy of the Mall and issues of personal value

I walked the halls of the mall and sat to watch the liturgy around me. Liturgy means "work of the people". There is a liturgy at hand wherever we go. I sat to pay attention to how the 'congregants' enter. How are they prepared to work and worship in various ways? What is worshiped in this 'temple'? What do the congregants come to seek? What satisfaction do they find? I also wanted to see how the liturgies of the mall are similar or different from the liturgies of the church. What should be the same or different? Here are some of my reflections.

* People wait for the doors to open. They are anxious for the gates to open. * We are made to move and browse here. Anything you want can be found. If you were stranded, you could have nearly anything you need. * What seems to be worshiped are things and material goods, but I think that is only on the surface. I am worshiped here. I will be adorned by anything I want. I will be given anything I want to look and appear better or more acceptable. I can think of very little here that I really need. * I define my own ritual here. I only go to stores I wish to go and disregard the others. * Congregants are addressed and pushed to purchase things they do not need or want as though they are missing their opportunity. But they are addressed with learned techniques. "How are you doing sir?" "That is jacket is nice!" "Are you happy with your current service?"--all this in hopes I will engage enough to see and hear about a product I never needed in the first place * Interesting that young people are taught to do this in flawless form. * Aside from fulfillment of its congregants, what about its 'priests' and 'ministers' who wait with eyes wide open at the doors for the next pitch and hook? Are they fulfilled by the sell and the hook?

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In Matthew 23:37, Jesus looks over Jerusalem and says, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing. Look, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, 'Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"

I sat and imagined what the heart of Jesus might pray over this mall: ----------- O people, I have loved you and desired to give you peace and fulfillment you can only dream of. All the things you think you need are attempts to fill a sinking boat with more things. I have longed to fill the holes that take on water so your life will be truly full, so your heart and soul will feel and BE safe. I have longed for you to recognize your value instead of trying to create it.

Your are unwilling. You are distracted by so many other pitches and slogans and hooks, that you have neglected my invitation. ------- Then I heard the still small voice: "PC, in this 'church' today, hear my prayer over you as well.

Sinking boat holes

Over and over again we hear our culture, our country, and our world compared to a particular hand-basket on a journey. We are caught in this crazy battle to see how we ought to be engaged with the culture or whether we even should be engaged with our culture in any capacity. We watch FOXNews to solidify our paranoia and anger. We lash out against a culture who left us years ago. We are concerned that this culture is sinking, and sinking fast.

What strikes about realizing we are sinking is that too many people are content to shoot holes in a sinking ship...that we are in.

We drastically misunderstand what it means to be "in the world but not of it", when we think we can actually escape the world, much less when we seek to attack and shoot holes in it. At some point, it may be helpful to place ourselves specifically into that metaphor I have laid out.

If I were in a sinking boat, regardless of how disgusting that boat may be, I am not going to be content to sit within it firing holes to expedite the process. I may even try to do what I can to redeem, repair, and restore as many of the cracks that I can.

A Pastors Humble Prayer

My God, over and over again, I am reminded how woefully inadequate my prayer life truly is. I am ashamed of my lack of time and effort in prayer. I cannot imagine any excuse for a lack of prayer, and in return I cannot imagine any reason for me to wonder why ministry, family, leadership and other areas of my life seem to be without power, passion, life, progress, or growth. If I reap what I sow, I cannot be surprised when I sow little. If the condition of the church, family, and organization will take the shape of its leader's character and tone, I just cannot be surprised, nor can I place blame anywhere but my own lack of prayer and fervor for time with you. No matter how great my teaching and preaching can be, it is barren and empty without having received it fresh from you in prayer.

My God, I am woefully short on the very front of prayer where the power of preaching really lies. My God, I have to pursue you and intentionally pray that you may hear my heart for family, for students, and for ministry. My heart does break for them, but that brokenness has very rarely driven me to my knees for them.

O my God, I am brought low this morning at this realization. Thankful for your grace, I do not want to ride its coattails. I want to be with you more and receive from you the tone, character, desire, wisdom, and vision for the people I love.

The Angry Man: another letter to my daughters and my women students

Today I read several warnings against the angry person in Proverb 29. There are frequent reminders of the wickedness of an angry person (vs 2). There is warning of the angry person's tendency toward stirring things up (22). The angry person will frequently and/or suddenly lose his temper like a fool (11) instead of having the life skill (wisdom) of holding back. He will always be quick and hasty to speak instead of thinking things out before he opens his mouth (20). The primary issue does come down to pride, and it will always bring the man (and anyone connected to him) lower and lower down (23). There is less as less humility in the angry man's life because he refuses to hear and listen to the helpful reproof given to them from people they trust to speak into their life (1,9,15). While only by God's grace, I find less of these things wrecking my heart, and I only say that with a knock on wood, I could not help but think of you as I read today. I could not help but fast forward to the days you begin dating and considering marriage.

My prayer for you today, and my hope for you, and my statement to you today is:

I can all but beg you to stay away from a man (a boy) who gets angry often OR suddenly. This is a HEART issue (Matthew 5:21-22), and he will not change.

God's grace is miraculous and can change the heart, but you cannot. The man who is angry and does not listen to the challenge of wiser people is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE if you just hold on to the benefit of a doubt and you will continually be brought into that pride, anger, and foolishness as you keep yourself around.

Understand what I am saying; they CAN change, but they WILL not change. Understand the difference between these two. If they. CAN change, leave them be until they do. Otherwise, you are caught in the storm, and it will paIn me greatly to walk with you there.

Lonely listening

All the things we wrestle with in life are moments when we are truly alone in our hearts and minds. God gets you alone in those moments, and when we are finally alone in those moments, God can meet you and speak to you. I notice this in several of the most stressful and painful moments of my life, when I have no idea what will happen or how anything can happen. In those moments I come to God and hear Him most. Why is this the case?

Because the noisiest parts of our hearts and lives are our stubbornness and pride. Our self-confidence is terribly noisy.

This is why moments of heartbreak, disappointment, sickness, and brokenness are the times we hear God clearest. It is in those times our noisy self-confidence is shut off, and we have no choice but to hear the only One worthy of our confidence.

further, deeper, greater

When I consider the depths of who I am, I realize I cannot even fathom what is there. I am a mystery even to myself when I strive to understand the depths of the soul, spirit, and body. I read Psalm 139 about a God of light and dark. A God of mountains and ocean! Even those things I can at least see and take in, but Psalm 139 reminds us that we are further, deeper, and greater than even the mountains, light, dark, and ocean.

Psalm 139 reveals to us the depths of our spirit, but it also praises a God who knows and controls all these very depths that we cannot even reach with any entirety. Ozzie Chambers says, "The work of the Holy Spirit is in the dim regions of our personality which we cannot get at."

We are reminded by the Psalmist that God is deeper, further, greater than we can grasp, but that His Spirit truly does change and restore that core place of who we are; that place we struggle to get at. That ongoing restoration is entire and complete (1 Thess. 5:23)

The greatest disappointment is for us to assume these depths of ourselves and the work of the Holy Spirit with these depths are myth because we have no conscious experience of them. There are depths to our spirit we cannot consciously experience, but we need God to be our God, who can search and restore the depths we cannot get at.

We need the cleansing of sin at the very depths we cannot get at. We are terribly mislead when we say we are not conscious of our sin. Sure! There are depths to our darkness we are not conscious of, and God does regenerate and restore those things if would but ask.

There are depths to our light that we are not aware of either, and God will reveal the brighter parts of who we are when we would but ask.

There is depth to our greatness as men and women created in the image of God, and He will reveal and unleash those things if we would but ask.

When we think on these things of soul and spirit, we realize God truly knows us better than we know ourselves.

Why we let go

We do not give things up for the sake of giving things up. We give things up for the sake of being closer to God and obeying Him more fully. The things we give up are of no value to God. What is of value to God is my very life.

We do not give things up because doing so brings us closer to God. We give things up because we finally recognize nothing else is more important than being closer to God. We give them up "for the sake of the only thing worth having". Getting rid of things does not, themselves, bring us closer to God. Getting rid of things loosens our grip on the things which keep us from grasping a stronger relationship with God.