I believe; help my unbelief

Mark 9:24, "I believe; help my unbelief" is one of my favorite verses in all of scripture, because it is so often the cry of my heart. My mind and my heart resonate with this verse more than it does with other verses in all of scripture. I am always in a state of belief, and yet I am frequently in need of help for my unbelief.

Like the disciples in this story, I struggle to pray with enough fervency to claim I am a man of real belief and faith. I struggle to pray for myself or others because a large part me wonders, "What if God does not do those things for this person?" Would it be because I had not prayed with enough faith? Would it be because it was not in God's plan for those things to happen, and I should chalk it up to "questions I was never intended to know the answers to, because God is simply bigger than me"? Then I wonder why you pray with such fervency other than 'because Jesus has commanded us to'.

But I know full well my faith is weak in moments. Because there are other moments when prayer comes naturally. There are moments when I have such a clear glimpse of God, that I hold on to it and squeeze every bit of life out of that moment I can. I need it to last as long as possible because I will drown in my own thoughts and wonder again at some point.

So to hear this man's plea with Jesus in Mark 9, "I believe; help my unbelief" is refreshing and affirming. It is affirming that this pleas is granted and answered. It is affirming that even his admitting a level of unbelief is more important and honorable to Jesus than when you simply don't get it but pretend that you do. Those are the ones who are 'this faithless generation' (vs. 19). Those are the ones who irritate Jesus for their lack of faith.

But you see Jesus meet this person, this father, when he simply admits he does have faith; help me in my lack of faith. Jesus meets you in the honesty.

Sometimes we only need to pray and continue to pray to the God we only half believe in, and he will meet us tenderly in return...OR...we could remain a faithless generation that pretends we have all the faith in the world but see no fruit of it.

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LISTENING TO: "How The Day Sounds" by Greg Laswell

Answers to Questions Nobody's Asking

A podcast I listen to regularly (This American Life) recently told the story of a Texas football coach who encouraged all the parents and fans of his team to cheer for the other team. I originally thought it was going to be some monumental coaching move that would eventually amp up his own players to play harder in order to spite the sudden loss of support from their own family and friends.

But I was mistaken. This team was a Christian high school in Texas, an the other team was a local delinquent school of boys with no family life, let alone fans. So this coach asked all the parents, fans, and cheerleaders to learn the names of the opposing players and cheer them on to victory; something those boys had never known the feeling of.

This coach would quickly know national recognition. All over ESPN! The NFL Commissioner made the coach his personal guest at the Super Bowl. In all the recognition came 100's of emails and letters to the coach, but he would admit only one of them would grab his attention. A lady who is on the radio show tells her own story of seeing all the recognition of this coach and she had to email him.

She writes to him of how she is an agnostic and has rarely seen true examples of Christian love and message, but his example gives her hope that it exists. She was also very glad to see such a great model of God's love for young people.

They began a correspondence through email which shortly leads to a phone conversation that gets recorded for the radio show.

One thing to know is that a very close friend of hers had died of cancer, and she had a lot of hurt to work through. Her main concern was why God would allow this to happen, and she felt like perhaps this compassionate coach might have something to speak to her pain and hurt.

Only seconds into the phone conversation, the coach dives into a very familiar diatribe of theology and apologetics. He took next to no time to listen to her pain and hurt. He was more concerned with getting all his conversion points out there. It had completely shut her down.

She would tell the radio show host that she was basically irritated. She had not wanted to get into the details of God's existence. She wanted to really come to understand what God might have to say to her in her situation. For an entire conversation, the coach had gone into a stream of monologues about Darwin, Hitler, logic, the Big Bang and creation. He never once took a moment to listen to what she might have had to ask. He never once took a moment to listen to her pain and her hurt.

Should would tell the radio host that it was her chance to talk to a man who believes in God and get some answers to burning questions she had been struggling with, but those questions were never heard. They were questions of grief and not of God's existence vs Big Bang.

The host tries to clarify. "So he was trying to argue with you about the existence of God instead of comforting you?"

There had been times when she said she had just about to warm up to him, and that she had some part of her that HOPED he would have been able to put the 'religious message' to her in a way that made sense to her; that "deep down I really wanted to believe again."

The host wondered whether it might have just been the WAY he went about it that he'd turned her away...

She mentions that if someone could have told her why her friend died and then relate it back to God, "I probably would have responded to that better." But they never even got to that point.

The Host says, "What if its as simple as: God takes people at different times, and that doesn't mean that God doesn't have some plan for you?"

She responds, "See! That makes more sense to me than ANYTHING he ever said."

Then the radio host said, "Well that's very sad, cuz I actually don't even believe in God.

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LISTENING TO: "The Long Fall Back To Earth" by Jars of Clay

A Perversion of Justice

The Suffering Servant (Isaiah 53) faces me in a strong way today. Today I am face-to-face with Jesus, and I am not comfortable. I am not okay.

I am offended and ashamed. Today I am face-to-face with Jesus the Christ who saves me through a vicarious suffering that I continue to hate. He did not suffer in anticipation of my suffering; He suffered INSTEAD OF...

That frustrates my mind and heart for different reasons; it always has.

I am frustrated with God that sins must be paid for; let alone that the payment must be death and suffering. I hate that we are made whole through pain, suffering, and death. I realize there is nothing I can do to change this reality, and that God is sovereign. I realize God's will, plan, and wisdom is far beyond me, but I simply hate it in my mind, heart, and soul.

The second reason I am frustrated by my face-to-face with Jesus today is the realization of how undeserving He was for what was done to Him. In a world and time when I realize my call to stand for the orphaned, widowed, and oppressed, I am faced with a Jesus who was oppressed, afflicted, rejected, despised, wounded, and unduly punished.

My heart has been sliced with anger at reading in Isaiah 53:8,

"By a PERVERSION OF JUSTICE he was taken away."

As Christians we have been and are being called to fight for people who are marginalized. We are to be going places our governments have not. We are to fight for justice for those who cannot fight for themselves; the afflicted, oppressed, wounded, rejected, and despised.

Today I am face-to-face with Jesus, who was made an effect of a "perversion of justice". I am angry and uncomfortable.

I am ashamed that this perversion of justice was enacted on Jesus instead of me.

ME who deserves punishment INSTEAD OF a man who had committed no violence or deceit.

ME who has been guilty of numerous things INSTEAD OF one who even people of no faith recognize as wonderful, respectful, and beautiful.

My faith and righteousness is a perversion of justice, and I am angrily grateful to Jesus for it.

* May 1 marks the beginning of "30 Days w/Jesus"; a 30-day reading plan Tonya and I are embarking on with a few other people. If you are interested and would like to embark on this journey with us, let me know or go to http://www.tniv.com/Experience%20it/docs/plan_jesus_30.pdf

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LISTENING TO: Common Market (self-titled)

Revert to Foolishness

A story about Francis of Assisi goes like this:
Two men came to him with interest in joining his order. So Francis brought them both out to the garden and asked them to help prepare the garden for the friars' meals. He asked that the two men plant and work the garden as he did. He then planted a few cabbages upside down with the roots up and leaves down. One of the men went about his work reflecting Francis' odd styling. The other was critical at first before simply becoming resentful. "This simply is not the way you do this." He refused to imitate Francis' planting methods because they were foolish and a waste of time.

Francis said to him, "Brother, I see that you are a great master. Go your way! For a simple and humble Order does not need such masters, but rather simple and foolish persons."

This makes me think of a few people who were foolish and nearly mad in comparison to those who determine what should be 'normal' and 'acceptable'. I think of names like Francis of Assisi. Then I think of people like Ghandi and Martin Luther King, Jr. But I, of course, think of Jesus.

Jesus continually lived in ways seen as blasphemous, looney, and impure to everyone else. Jesus would do something which may be the most foolish and crazy thing ever. He dies a horrific death that would 'save' countless people from sin and disconnection from his Father God. That is crazy!!!!

But Paul also reminds us that faith in Jesus will be foolishness to the Greeks and those without the Spirit.

I think of Jesus reminding us in Matthew 18 that unless we embrace some level of foolishness, Heaven will be filed with five-year-olds.

In Matthew 11, he thanks God for hiding things from the master know-it-alls and revealing himself to the little and foolish children.

I want to know how to see God's true wisdom. I want to really experience the love, grace, and reality of God. But I have to come with a level of foolishness I am rarely willing to revert to.

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LISTENING TO: "Mean Everything to Nothing" by Manchester Orchestra

Why I'm Never At My Desk

Christians in Nazi Germany were tempted to isolate themselves into their own separate society. They would create their own little refuge away from the chaos ensuing around them that must have felt and looked like the end of the Christian world. They looked to escape the society and culture around them so they could discuss among themselves the salvation story and the faith it brings.

I am not entirely sure the Christian church is much different here in 'free' America. We have set up a model not only similar, but in light of our freedom may be further isolated than that of the Christian Church in Nazi Germany.

There is no overlooking the way our society and culture is heading in a rapid fashion. There is no debating that we live NOW in a post-Christian, postmodern society and culture. There is no need to deny or fight it.

But is our post-Christian culture much different than the PRE-Christian world?

More importantly, how will we respond? More importantly still, how did Jesus respond when the world around him created enemies of God? Did Jesus gather together in a cluster of Christians that were safe for the whole family? Did Jesus go about spending all of his efforts and time to create his own little 'holy huddle' of safe Christians who were sure to agree with him? (even his disciples would one day abandon him)

It seemed Jesus was more intent on NOT secluding himself from society, culture, and enemies of God. You constantly saw Jesus in the midst of his enemies. I mean after all, that was what he came here to do. He had a mission to fulfill.

He did not spend his time behind the desk with all the religious people who were in agreement with him unless of course the 'religious' people were not in agreement with him; he spend time with them. Jesus was with and amidst his greatest enemies.

What's more, Jesus had a crazy way of bringing peace to the lives of those who were enemies of God.

What are we doing!!

Christians! What are we doing in our own little clusters? We are commanded with MISSIONAL LIVES!!!

What is missional about our indoor programs? What is missional about our Christian music and various other things we share?

How missional are our 'evangelical events' at which 98-99% of the attenders are already saved?

Why are we locking our pastors in their offices doing paper work and programs? (Granted, many pastors lock up themselves.)

Martin Luther said it bluntly and well:
"O you blasphemers and betrayers of Christ! If Christ had done what you are doing, who would ever have been saved?"

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LISTENING TO: Disappointed by Candy (self-titled album)

And yet...

God, my Savior, my High Priest, I am in desperate need of atonement. I am continually in need of your mercy and your grace and your atonement. Each week you give me another opportunity to speak to your people. To shepherd. To pastor. I have no idea why! Nothing about me is worthy of filling any of these roles. Most of the time I wonder whether I really am qualified to do what you have allowed me to do.

Undeserving; that is a given.
Unqualified; that I am learning all the time with each opportunity you give me.

Your grace and mercy abounds in so many ways in my life; one of which is the fact you continue to open doors to speak to and care for your people. When I am so desperately in need of your grace, your atonement, your forgiveness. I need a high priest who not only knows my sin and struggle but who is also capable of canceling and forgetting it all so I can actually come closer to you. Daily I am reminded of just how depraved I really am.

Nothing about me makes me any better than anyone else. In fact, anything about me, the worst of sinners, makes me incredibly worse than anyone else.

And yet...

Those two words could sum up so much of my life.

And yet...

There are so many things, if left to myself, make me so much worse than anyone else, AND YET you forgive, forget, make clean, and use me to love your people; your church. I cannot believe it. I scarce can take it in.

Woe is me, a man unclean!

And yet...all this...

I can only respond in gratitude, because there is nothing else I could offer to repay you for all my "and yet..."

Thank you for your love, your mercy, your grace.
Thank you for the atonement.
Thank you for being bigger than me and being willing to use me with my inadequacies and undeserved "and yet..."

- St. PC of the Undeserving

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LISTENING TO: "100 Days, 100 Nights" by Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings

Notes from "American Church in Crisis" Lecture

Wednesday night I went to a lecture from Dave Olsen, the author or "American Church in Crisis". Here are my notes from that evening. (I would be VERY INTERESTED in your thoughts.)

DECAY - every organic entity diminishes and decays over time --> decay is often necessary for new growth to occur and appear
17% of population attending church on a given weekend (9% at evangelical churches)
Weekend attendance has stayed virtually the same over the last 16 years --> but our population has grown by the same number --> churches are not keeping up with population growth
There are always new people coming into our sphere of influence.
Young people are the critical group to reach --> churches who cannot reach them will steadily decline
We are in a decaying trend, and if focus or change doesn't happen, the trend will continue.
Christian ministry will get more challenging every year into the foreseeable future, which means ministry has to be better each year
Asian and Hispanic population grown is HUGE in Sacramento county in the last 7 years
Lowest evangelical attendance counties in CA are all (1-10) bay area counties in NORTHERN California
HIGHEST evangelical attendance counties in California are almost all inland (3- Placer 5-Kern 6-Sacramento)
86% of your neighbors are NOT going to a Christian church --> but Sacramento shows a high receptivity to the gospel
A lot less established religion and more and more "American" religiosity

FOREVER BUILDING
the only way to figure out what works is to experiment...maybe fail, yes...but nothing happens if nothing is done
Two important questions your church should ask --> 1. Are we willing to pay the price of change? 2. Are we willing to create new pathways for the work of God to advance --> old pathways aren't working anymore
Why are older churches declining? (40% of established churches grow and 60% decline)
Will your church grow or decline this year?
If your church is old, it needs to think and act young.
Each year, your church grows a year older and loses its vitality if new choices are not being made to be, think, and act younger....EACH YEAR
SMALL (growing) churches have the advantage of intimacy --> LARGE mega churches have the advantage of ministry excellence --> MID-SIZED churches have to do BOTH better (connect pepople...do fewer things better)

RESTORATION
Decay happens without us doing anything --> Building takes energy and work --> Restoration happens divinely...it has to come from the Holy Spirit
With change comes loss --> with loss comes fear
Our culture is NOW (not becoming but IS): Post-Christian, Postmodern, and Multiethnic
The two important words for established churches: HEALTHY and MISSIONAL
We got used to talking about Jesus in a secondhand manner --> we have to begin talking about Jesus in a real, engaging, FIRSTHAND manner
Speak of Jesus in fresh alive ways of his words and his actions

I would be VERY INTERESTED in your thoughts. These are notes on the lecture; not entirely my personal thoughts.

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LISTENING TO: "...And The Summer Pool Party" by Pigeon John

your music recomendations

Here is my present list of music I'm going to give a try. If you listen to any of this, give me your thoughts. You may also give me some recommendations if you describe your recommendations some. I realize some of these are bands I'm STILL trying out and others are bands some people have been listening to for years. Just let me know what you think.

Sleeping At Last
Unwed Sailor
Welcome Wagon
Page France
Matthew Perryman Jones
Greg Laswell
Bon Iver
Liars
Department of Eagles
Atmosphere
Common Market
Dagha
Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings
Appleseed Cast

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LISTENING TO: "The Singer" by Teitur

Facebook Church

WARNING: By no means am I condoning this or saying it is possible. This post is one giant question open to hopeful conversation.

In a social networking culture, I wonder if it is possible to see church happen via Facebook. When I read through Acts 2:42-47; I wonder how possible it is to do these things on Facebook with its different applications, groups, video posts, etc.

How possible (or impossible), on Facebook, is it to:

- hear and study the apostles' teaching
- fellowship
- break bread
- pray
- to be together with other believers with everything in common
- sell our possessions and goods and give the proceeds to those in need
- meet together
- break bread and eat together
- praise God
- see God add to our number those who are being saved

So....???? What say you?

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LISTENING TO: "Deliverance" by Quietdrive