Reconciliation has to begin with me approaching myself with the willingness to change. Reconciliation will NEVER happen if I expect the other person to change. Changing myself starts reconciliation. Changing the other person (if it were even possible) is control and only spawns more distance and hostility between the two parties.
This does not mean I should be willing to change myself and expect them to change in return. It means changing myself simply because I don't want it to be this way in MY heart. I can only change my own heart and HOPE for a willing change in theirs, but not EXPECT a change.