We believe so many lies about ourselves, and when we believe those lies we develop different reactions to feel better or cope or forget about those lies. The part of this whole thing that sucks so badly is that we are reacting to LIES. We have certain destructive behaviors, and we try to change the behavior without changing the lie that lead us to our behavior. In order for us to really be better and whole (the real meaning of shalom), we have to identify and recognize the lies and false beliefs we have and how they affect us. Once we recognize the false beliefs, we have to replace them with truths. Once we replace the lies with truth we will find that our destructive behaviors, our underreactions and overreactions, will also begin to change. Any situation in which I underreact or overreact to something involved some sort of pain, wound, or lie underneath my surface. I have protected my wounds with lies and false beliefs, and my behaviors have developed as a result.
In John, Chapter 8, Jesus is speaking to the Jews, and he tells them they are slaves to sin. But he tells them in vss. 31 and 32 that if they would, "continue in his word...and know the truth, that truth would make them free." We are slaves to our lies and false beliefs about ourselves. But if we would continue to listen to God's words and his heart for us, we would be able to see the TRUTH about ourselves, and that TRUTH can set us free.