It truly is a bad thing to be satisfied spiritually, but I began thinking, "Isn't that exactly what we work so hard to accomplish though?" We want to be satisfied spiritually. We want not to be challenged or pressed. We want our spirituality, our faith to easy and satisfactory. We long to get to a point where our faith is not so much work. We want our minds and hearts to be at ease because we think that is when we will have "arrived" spiritually. But we forget that if we ever arrive at that place, our faith will have died. Our spirit must never be satisfied. Our soul and mind must never be satisfied. I must always need more. I have to need more understanding than I have. I must always be thirst for more. God must never make sense to me to an extent that I can rest in the knowledge I have. Every experience of God I have should leave me more thirsty...it should always leave me wanting more. Every experience of God, no matter how restful it may be, should never leave me wanting to just sit in satisfaction. I should always have more questions. God should always mystify me. God should never make sense to me for very long. I should never be satisfied spiritually. If I understood God for longer than necessary, I will have lost faith because God would have become containable, tame, and unworthy of my devotion.
Bi-lingual prayer
It's really no wonder that a lot of non-Christians, new Christians and others are uncomfortable prayer. They do not speak the native tongue of formalized prayer. That is why prayer seems like such a daunting task to so many people. There are so many unnecessary formalities to common prayer today. We use certain language that NOBODY actually uses in common communication. We pray like God is preoccupied with a foreign language; like he is preoccupied with our fine form and technique. We pray as if we have no personality. We pray as though we were robots programmed by some old English scientist.
Why would God give us a distinct personality and then require us to pray apart from it? Why would he make us unique and make us pray uniform and unnatural?
Prayer is only so awkward and daunting to people because they're afraid they'll mess it up; afraid they do not speak this language well enough.
Prayer is not a foreign language.
How to pray all the time
Endless, unbroken lives of prayer are very possible. Through some searching and with the help of some further reading, this is beginning to be clearer and clearer. We have such a Western Christianity that we have removed a lot of understanding from original Christianity, which happens to have its roots in the East. One large difference is in our understanding of heaven and God's presence.
Western Christianity has this understanding which prays things like, "God, please show up tonight. " "God, be with us tonight." "We prayed, and God just showed up that night." We have this understanding of God being in heaven somewhere above the clouds awaiting our demand to show up.
Eastern Christianity; historical, Biblical Christianity has a different understanding of heaven and God's presence. In Biblical accounts of God's presence, OT and NT, God calls out of heaven, but heaven is near. Heaven is "at hand"...this means heaven is present around them somehow. It was the very presence of God at hand, surrounding them. God inhabits the space surrounding us.
This means we are constantly in the presence of God. We do not actually need to ask for (or demand) that God "show up". This means we have only to grope out after God, or as Luis of Granada (an old century Christian) once said, "any raising of the heart to God."
It is possible at all moments of the day to focus our hearts on God and trust that he is always present. This means we no longer have to be preoccupied with making the sacred time, space, and words in order to really experience the presence of God. This means that we only need to be aware of God's presence with our hearts in order to experience God's presence. This means it is actually possible to experience god all times of the day, continually. This means we can experience God even in the mundane tasks of a day. This means we can join with Brother Lawrence in "Practicing the Presence of God". This means prayer for another person can be merely feeling what they feel (as best you are able) while "raising your heart to God". This means we may have been praying all along as long as we were placing ourselves before God.
We cannot put God into this pious little space and time and assume these are the only moments we experience the presence of God. We cannot dissolve God out of our every day experience. He is always present. We only hope to grope out for him and raise our heart out to him more continually.
The Great Irony of Control
One of the things which keeps us from being closer to the heart of God or from healing from the things that inhibit us is CONTROL. We are always running after and holding on to control. We desire to control everything. We want to control everyone. Then we realize we cannot control everything and everyone and it is devastating to our personal world. It is for this reason that we do not really want to be broken. It is for this reason we are unable to really be what God wants us to be: whole. It is for this reason we feel like our lives are actually "out of control".
It is a great irony.
In scripture, God is continually calling us into the desert place. There is healing in the desert; if we would only go. But the desert is terrifying. Some part of us knows if we go into the desert, we will be forced to journey, and in a journey you do not control what happens. You are alone in the desert, and that means you are your own company. Most of us could think of no worse company, because when we are alone we have nobody to impress or control. We have to look at ourselves and deal with things we typically avoid by directing our attention and focus on other people.
The desert has healing and peace that await us, but we do not really want desert healing because THAT healing requires us to relent our control of our world. We can no longer grasp on to the things we have always controlled (or tried to). In the desert, if we choose to go, we have to let go of all the things we try to control and look at ourselves.
The true control is that which those things within have over you. The hurt, the pain, the addictive behaviors, the selfishness, the anger, the bitterness, the fear, the jealousy. All of these things and more are within us, and in order not to feel or deal with those things we react...with control. As long as we can control our world around us, we will never have to look at or reveal those wounds within.
Then like a pathological liar, our life begins to get out of control as we attempt to control things we, in actuality, cannot control. The great irony!
Real healing...real peace will happen when we give up thinking we can or trying to control things and people around us, and begin to live a life of trust and healing. Our worry is only an attempt to control our world and those things within it. We cannot control things and people which is why our lives seem so out of control.
Trust is unnatural
Who do you know who struggles to trust anything or anyone? We all struggle with trust, because trust is not natural. But who do you know, even if it is you, who struggles with trusting anyone or anything?
We struggle with trusting anyone or anything because our culture misperceives trust. Our culture...our heart...our bones tell us that trusting is weakness. We are convinced that trusting someone is only something weak people do. Our heart has learned to tell ourselves that.
But we also know our heart...something within us wants to trust, right? Something within us would like to trust someone...something. We want to, but we know how risky it would be to trust anything. We know how risky it would be to trust someone.
We know this because we have been hurt before, right? People have let us down in the past. People have hurt us in the past. So we know that trust is risky. Too many people who are supposed to love us have hurt us. So even though something deep within us would absolutely love to trust, we don't because we know how risky it is.
But...
BUT... There is another voice within us. It is faint.....it is distant for most of us. There is a voice which says...
I am here..... ....I am with you....
I love you...... ......even now..... .............even here.......
I am with you..... ......and I will be with you....... ..........when all things come and go.......
We all hear this voice if we really listen. There is something within all of us; the broken and hurt, that speaks this love to us.
But we spend so much of our lives, no matter how long you may or may NOT have been a Christian, hoping.
It does not matter whether you are a Christian or not; we ALL want that voice to be true. We ALL want that voice to be real.
one thing I ask
I am not one to ask many things of God. I fear making him into some sort of cosmic santa claus at my beckon call. My heart resonates more with David in Psalm 27. "ONE THING I ASK of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life; to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord." Of all the things I could ask God for, my heart constantly only desires one thing. I only ask that I may be with God and know Him more and seek Him. I do not ask many things of God, but I certainly ask this one thing. My heart leaps within myself and it seems to always scream, "Seek his Face! Seek God still! Be with God again!" (27:8) It is interesting that David is in the midst of great turmoil when he wrote this Psalm. He was being attacked by several armies; he was in a great struggle, and he had needs. There were, in these circumstances, all sorts of things he could have rightfully asked God for. But he still came to God and said, "ONE THING I ASK of the Lord..." Of all the things he could have asked God for, he was only concerned with one. "My heart says of you, 'Seek His face!' Your face, Lord, I will seek."
My life is chaotic to say the least right now. Life gets more and more crazy, and I cannot keep up with it. There are so many things I could ask of God right now, but my heart truly desires only ONE THING. I only ask one thing; that I may be connected to the heart of God for the rest of my life, to see and notice God's phenomenal love for me each day. To "gaze at the beauty of the Lord", to simply rest.
Abomination: how interesting
How interesting that we so often call one sin an abomination, and it is for that reason we view it as different from any other sin! How interesting indeed!
A study of the word "abomination" in the original Hebrew reveals the original word "toeva". This word literally means "abomination" or "hatred". Homosexuality is, indeed, an abomination; scripture tells us that pretty clearly. But still, how interesting that we say homosexuality is not "just sin", its an "abomination"; a toeva! How interesting!
A search for the word abomination; or, that is, a search for the word "toeva" in the Hebrew scripture also brings you to Proverbs 6:16-19.
"There are six things the Lord hates (toeva), seven that are detestable to him. ("What! Seven??) haughty, proud, snobbish, arrogant eyes ("oh..") a lying tongue ("What's this!?") hands that shed innocent blood ("oh okay, well yeah!") a heart that devises wicked schemes ("you mean that time I...?") a false witness who pours out lies ("lying again...worth hating TWICE??") a man who stirs up dissension among brothers ("What! You mean the whole Church?")
How interesting! How quickly we make one sin an abomination without looking at our sin! How quickly we congratulate ourselves because we aren't gay!
On love and trust
We trust someone because we love them. We do not try to trust someone so that we can love them. It would not be very loving or trusting to do it that way. Trust has to be risky by its very nature. There must be some sort of leap involved or there is not real trust. You do not trust someone because you study that person. You trust someone BECAUSE you love them. If you are only studying and looking for proof you are not actually trusting at all. I actually trust God BECAUSE I love him. If I only trusted of God what was proven, I would not have trusted at all. I do not trust SO THAT I will love God. My love for God drives me to trust him.
Sure, I wrestle and fight with that trust all the time. There are times in my life when that trust is tested, but I remember, then, how much I love my Father. When I remember how much I love my Father, I can remember if I really loved I would trust Him.
I may cry out to God in hurt, pain, and misunderstanding as long as I ultimately cry out, "Abba, I give you my spirit;" as long as I can say, "Thank you" even if through clenched teeth.
An honor just to be nominated
Last week, my friend nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award, and I am thrilled just to be nominated. My insecurity assumes my only reader is mom just clicking refresh over and over and over, but I have greatly appreciated each visitor as this page has grown over the last few years. Thank you so much.
My nomination and awarding requires of me a few things, and I will honor all of those right now.
Thank the person who nominated you (including a link) Sarah is a wife and mother who shares her labors of wonder and love from each day with love and creativity to keep you reading and checking in.
Nominate 15 bloggers you follow regularly (in no particular order) 1. Life to Her Years - Posts consisting of a picture and a sweet statement about fathering daughters. 2. Malisa Price - Friend who exploded with blogging momentum in only a short year. Great posts about crafting, cooking, and blogging. 3. Tattoo Lit - An interesting post of tattoos with literary inspirations. 4. Moleskinerie - Just a great blog about people's creative uses of the famous journals. 5. Barefoot on 45th - Wife and mother and writer of beautiful reflections. 6. Faith on Campus - Great resource for anyone who works with college students. 7. Aloha Hoa Aloha - Student and friend with a creative zest for what she sees in life around her each day 8. Heart of Campus Ministry - Another great resource maintained by good friends and to which I sporadically contribute. 9. Ragamuffin Soul - Well he is a blogging superstar and worship leader, but you just have to visit to see all the goodness. 10. Daily Doodle - Simple doodles this guy draws in his moleskine each day. That is all! But I love it for some reason. 11. Anthony Price - Malisa's husband and a good friend. He has recently left that tumblr nonsense to be a REAL blogger. 12. Blaine Hogan - author and creative director at Willow Creek, and I only recently tripped upon his page. Dig around to find the goods. (Hint: youtube) 13. Ze Frank - This guys finds and shares the most incredible, creative, and inspiring things on the internet. 14. Michael Hyatt - Another blogging powerhouse who certainly does not need my petty little nomination, but I learn so much reading this blog. 15. Yours - I don't have a link, because you haven't left it in my comment section yet.
Tell 7 things about yourself 1. Yes, I love coffee. No, I do not like it dark. 2. I have a wife, a daughter, and another daughter on the way, which means I'll have to begin wearing high heels just to fit in at my own house. 3. I like my beer like a like my women: with little hops, in a cold mug, from Belgium (okay its not like women at all) 4. In order, my favorite sports teams are: Notre Dame football, Oregon Ducks football, Chicago Bears, Indianapolis Colts. (so I like football) 5. I used to listen to Counting Crows all the time. I still do, but I used to too. 6. I love cold, rain, and snow while hating hot, sunny, summers. 7. If I were not in ministry or speaking, I think I would like to be a window washer or painter.
Link to Award Site Check
Hate the church
You do not hate the churchbecause this is what church is... and you actually like us a whole lot
What you hate is that and I actually hate that too.
Belated Gratitude
* journal entry on Thanksgiving Eve The morning before Thanksgiving, and I am not as grateful as I really should be. I really honor and respect those who remind themselves to make lists of things they are thankful for throughout the year and not just during one week of November each year (if that). I am not so inclined, and I really need to be.
I am thankful to have a job at all these days. Though it is a ministry job at a respectful church who is completely debt free and has all finances in the black via budge and salary cut backs, at least they have never had to cut jobs all together. I am grateful and thankful.
I have a healthy daughter and a healthy one on the way. With so many friends close to me having experienced miscarriages and even more painful loss, it hardly seems right to complain that we were not exactly "ready" for this second child-to-be. I am thankful and grateful.
I am thankful for my wife and our marriage continuing and fighting against any societal norm. Nearly every day in ministry there is reference to another church marriage coming to an end or on the rocks near an end. Conversations reveal one or both are simply unwilling to humble themselves and grow up to be adults willing to do the hard work of maintaining a loving marriage. My wife has stood by me when I have been numbed out of emotion and affection. She has not given up or walked away. We both love one another by learning to love more and better and more humbly. I am thankful for her and our marriage.
I am thankful for God's grace and mercy on me. Though my heart and soul are distant more often than not, I am always brought back to his grace and love. Though my natural heart resists the pure and holy spirit of God and pursues the lies a true enemy would want my heart to be convinced of, my cries to God have been heard. He remains close and near. I cannot help but be thankful for these things.
There is far more to be thankful for in my life, and my heart would do well to actively remember those things far more often than I do.