I just don't like that guy

I can think of a few friends of mine who fall into a particular category.  They are those I remember being around before I actually knew them, and from what I had known (which was very little) I had determined that I didn't really like them a whole lot.  For different reasons (most of them unfounded) I had this bizarre resentment  or frustration with them. Then the crazy thing happens.  Maybe its at a party for a common friend.  Maybe its a team we both end up on.  Whatever the means, the crazy moment occurs when I actually have/get to interact with that person.  Then I come to discover new things through conversation and my previous doubts about this person begin to melt away.  Eventually over time these individuals become great friends who I can't believe I ever doubted or wondered about.

Really, every human relationship is like this.  Every relationship we have is weaker or stronger depending on which doubts we have faced and either disproved or proved.  These doubts we have about people are essential elements to human relationships.  They are inevitabilities.  The big difference is in what we have done with those doubts.  Have we come to know that person through connection and communication, and having done that, have we proved our doubts accurate?  Or have they been proven as mere assumptions that have stifled our ability to have a great friendship?

Faith operates much the same way.  I have different doubts about faith, and I only grow closer to the heart of God when I confront those doubts and determine whether they are accurate or if they have only been assumptions that keep me from connecting more intimately with the heart of God.

Metal Drawer

I remember an old metal desk I once had when I was much younger.  Green. Shaky. Short-lived metal desk with two small drawers.  I don't recall what ever happened to the desk, but I remember having one of the drawers years later.  That drawer may even still be in an attic somewhere in Wisconsin for all I know.  The drawer was very important because it contained treasure. It was the place I collected only the most important things to me at the time.  To most people, it would have been filled with worthless junk.  In fact, I am not too sure I would want any of it NOW (I don't even know where the drawer IS.)  But each item in that drawer was well thought out and discerned with care of its worth and warrant as  determined by me at that time.  I was careful to think long and hard about what should make its way into my drawer.  All other items were unworthy of the drawer.

Whether or not the items are of any value now, they were important enough to be sure I kept hold on the drawer even after the desk was long gone; even after several family moves later.  I was devoted to taking care of that drawer because it contained important items, and those items made all the effort worth the work and care.

I remembered a little metal drawer after reading through Philippians 4 today, specifically verses 6-8.

The last couple weeks, I have read my Bible a lot, but I cannot say I have really "come to God's word" today.  I have been disciplined at reading a book the last couple weeks, but not disciplined in connecting with God in that reading or much of anything for a couple weeks.  Philippians 4:6-8 has struck me to the heart to realize how important that time needs to be.

My heart and mind are little metal drawers, and that time I set aside to read through scripture or do ANYTHING needs to be approached with that in mind.  There are all sorts of things that pass through my heart and mind in the course of a day; thoughts and ideas about God, myself, others, the world... Which of those things make their way into my heart's drawer?

"Because," says Henri Nouwen, "in this useless hour in which you do nothing 'important' or 'urgent', you have come to terms with your basic powerlessness...you will find out that your many projects, plans, and obligations become less urgent, crucial, and important and lose their power over you.  They will leave you free during your time with God and take their appropriate place in your life."

A thief does not steal free stuff

"Love the Lord your God! Love your neighbor as yourself."It is a basic command Jesus gave us to live out, but what happens when the second part of the command makes us think, "I would never wish on anyone the kind of love I give myself."

You have to love yourself; not selfishly, but with an understanding that God wants you for who you are. Realize that there is thief and enemy who also wants you for who you are (John 10:10).

You are of incredible value!

A thief does not steal free things. A thief does not steal things without value. The only steal things of GREAT VALUE!

You have to realize that before you can truly serve and live a life of faith, because only then can you love others as you love yourself. Through this understanding can you really love others and serve others.

One of those days: when I put my Bible away

There are days when it seems God just wants to love me. There are days when I sit with open Bible and heart, and I wait...and wait... There are days when God does not speak to me in his Word even when I come to it faithfully There are days when I will sit and stare at the pages There are days when I will sit silently awaiting God and receive a challenge to close my Bible and let God love me There are days when I am ready and prepared to discover God and I am challenged to sit and let Him love me There are days my heart needs to be still and rest in God's love; to sit and pray "Abba, I belong to you. Please love me today." Some days bring my heart to a place where God has a different challenge than I realize coming in

If someone desired to know me they could only read my journal and blog so many times before they would need to step away from them a while and let me love them get to know them talk with me get a cup of coffee with me and let me relate to them

There are days I need to step away from the Word and sit with God and allow him to love me and accept His love

There are days my mind has soaked up all the love leaving my heart and soul a little dry In those days my heart and soul need to stop and allow God to love me

Ragamuffin Re-Write: Psalm 66

From time to time, I come to the Psalms and re-write them in my own language, context, and circumstance. It is a great way to engage scripture and see it come alive in your current context. Give it a shot some time! PSALM 66

O my soul, shout your praise as best you can muster to the God you love and desire

How amazing is His provision! Sing out within my flesh!

Praise God for His help let your voice be heard over the noises of your life.

For you, O God, have stood by me tested me though you may, I rise refined from the hardship

You brought me through the fire of Christian tongues full of hate and foolish gimmicks

God, you have rescued me from waters which had drowned my soul under currents of verbal slaughter

I have come through fire and water; you brought me to a place of abundance

My soul will praise you with written offering

Come and listen, o soul within me; let your voice call out what Abba has done for you

I cried out with my mouth and pen, and Abba listened.

Praise to the refining Daddy, who has not neglected my prayer or EVER withheld love from me.

Diabetic Spirituality

I have to carry a syringe around with me all the time. It is a medication called 'Glucagon'. It is an enormous syringe in a giant red carrying case of its own. It is for emergencies. As a Type 1 diabetic, I am dependant on insulin to keep my blood sugar in balance. There are moments, though, when my blood sugar gets very low. In those moments, my body reacts and can be a bit scary. I am to have something in those moments to boost my sugars to the correct level.

Should my levels drop extremely is when the Glucagon comes in. It is for the moments my levels plummet to points when I my body can barely even operate. It is for those times of emergency low. Glucagon is outrageous sugar-water (to put it tersely).

The one syringe runs me nearly $200. So I resist buying it each year after it has expired.

The doctor explains it is like a fire extinguisher. Hopefully, you never need to use it, but having it available can save your life IF you need it.

I was going to make a connection to prayer here; in that prayer is a practice we should develop instead of only waiting for the moments of crisis. Prayer is the type of thing utilized best in crisis when it has been repeatedly practiced. Prayer is something that will save your life in crisis but only if you have put the practice in outside of the crisis when it seems routine and strange or even dull at times.

I am afraid the connection to Glucagon is a bit lost since I do not exactly 'practice' my glucagon regularly.

On the other hand, I do have to have it with me at all times. I have to make sure others are aware of how to use it should anything happen and I am unable. It can cost me, but it can save my life...

like prayer.

Your God is not Active

Psalm 37:5 says "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this." God has a way of upsetting decisions we make without considering him, but the primary reason we do this is because we do not actually trust and consider God to be a living, active, factor in our lives. Especially when we are speaking of daily, moment-by-moment parts of our lives!

We are likely to remember and consider how active God really is on Sundays during worship. We prepare ourselves for those moments to actually pay attention to God but forget his active involvement in our day-to-day.

What about evil? What about sin? Scripture tells us that "LOVE takes no account of evil" (1 Cor. 13:5). That is NOT to say that love is ignorant to evil's existence. It means it does not consider evil as an active involvement in our lives.

When sin and evil make themselves present in our day-to-day, it is because we have not considered God to be a true active part of our lives, but have trusted in evil's involvement as more active.

When we are separated from an active (and intentional) entanglement with God, we begin to bargain with evil and sin instead.

You cannot look for the future sin either. You cannot keep telling yourself, "I am bound to mess it up again; I always do." This is not trusting God as active either.

Jesus said, "Let not your heart be troubled." (John 14:1) Notice it does not say God will keep trouble from you. It says, "LET NOT..." Jesus' command is for you to make a choice.

Over and over in my day, I have to choose to not be troubled by my past sin or future sin. Over and over in my day, I have to choose to trust God is active, and he is more active than evil and sin.

Resurrection without Death?

Karl Barth wrote, "Only where graves are is there resurrection." In our lives of faith, we have a desire to be close to Jesus, and we are often frustrated with the lack of closeness. More often than not, we are looking for that closeness without regard for what Jesus told us that intimacy would require of us.

Think of the ones who told Jesus they wanted to follow him. What did Jesus say would be required of them? Luke 9:23, right?

Deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow him.

We want to avoid the obedience and still get the intimacy.

We want to avoid the sacrifice and still get the blessing.

We want the resurrection without the death.

But one does not resurrect from life.

Think of the parts of your life in which you would like to see new life (resurrection).

Realize that we only see resurrection where we are willing to first die. We only get to find the new life of real connection with Jesus when we first willingly give up our stubborn desire to live life on our own terms (die).

I want to be a pastor who...

I want to be a pastor who... ...is thoughtful, sensitive, and at ease in God's presence so that I can be thoughtful, sensitive, and at ease in your presence. (not on the run with crowded time)

...reads and studies, but is attentive and informed enough to help us understand what we are up against in a culture that squeeeeeeezes the God out of us. (not just trying harder without perspective)

...has the time to be with you in easy-going, deliberate conversation so I can understand and be a comrade to you as you grown in Christ--listening to your doubts, your difficulties, your desires, and your excitements (not always running around frantic)

...leads you in lives of worship, a pastor who brings you before God in an entangled love-affair, a pastor who preaches sermons that make scripture within-reach, current, and alive (not just busy with tasks for busy's sake)

...is able to give you a language and imagination that restores in you a sense of worth as a Christian in your homes, your schools, and your workplaces (not instilling in you a sense of being only an attender)

...is less concerned with what I think you should be doing, and more concerned with being a witness to what God is doing in you and your life.

...is patient enough with our mess to notice the forming miracles (not miss out on the day to day mystery of "us")

Jesus Does Not Work Here

Of all the stories of Jesus in the gospels, very few of them take place in the temple or synagogue. Most of them are played out in the workplace and community.  Just think of your favorite stories of Jesus. Where did they take place? A fishing boat? A wedding? A well? Someone's home? A garden over some fish sticks and bread?

Jesus very rarely appears in a temple or synagogue, and spends most of his time in the workplace and community. Somewhere along the line, we began assuming Jesus only works in the church. We began to assume this sort of partitioning with the Spirit, our faith, our story.

Our work, our school, our day to day life does not take us away from Jesus. In fact, it is those parts of our life that continue his involvement.

We have to learn to identify Jesus and his Spirit in our workplace, our homes, our schools, and our community. Once we begin to do that, we start to see our role as a true Church and congregation outside of Sunday.

Swallowing a Cow and Other Realities

How many times were you told as a child to chew before you swallow? There is good reason for that. You cannot swallow whole pieces of steak or you are going to choke. When it comes to various parts of our life, we often try to swallow the whole cow, and we more than choke. We get outright discouraged by the impossibilities.

We have huge goals, dreams, and hopes. There is nothing wrong with that. Big dreams and hopes are only accomplished with smaller goals.

It goes beyond hopes and dreams. It involves our desires.

We desire to be better people. We desire to be closer to God, and those are great desires. Our desires are only accomplished with smaller goals in those directions.

You will not write that book if you don't LOVE sentences.

You will not win any battle in life without a thousand cuts.

Intimacy with God is an unrealistic expectation if you do not make realistic goals like reading His Word 3 days this week, journaling 3 times this week, or praying each day...this week.

Healing that wound in your life is an unrealistic expectation, but a realistic goal might be not isolating yourself or avoiding people this week...and next week...and...

Being a more involved spouse or parent is an unrealistic expectation, but a realistic goal might be to ask your spouse on a date this week, have a 'daddy-date' this Saturday, say 'I love you' once a day this week, or after each conversation this week.

This goes on and on and on...

When you do not set realistic goals, you can only form unrealistic expectations.